well played

the cards were inspected, times were calculated and wrappings were evaluated. we have a new winner.
congrats n.g. on the victory!

wrap results:
n.g. 1st
s.m. 2nd
f.g. 3rd

christmas cards:
b.s. 1st
r.b. 2nd
a.l. 3rd

discretionary points:
f.g. 2 for offering his space and not making me mop
j.s. 1 for the birthday boy

thanks for playing

blog topics you didn’t see

board of blanking
things i’ve done for a t shirt
ten ways to open a beer
things you shouldn’t say to your women in bed
how not to turn off a fan
keyword searches for the eject button
bar tricks to impress your friends
five guys vs the habit

moty movement

i don't like unemployment, corporate greed or corruption. i do believe in loosely organized groups, and i am of the opinion that it cant be an uprising without a little violence. plus i love to camp.

so why can’t i get into the occupy movement. it must be the lack of specifics. will there be a revolution, economic collapse or all out class warfare. maybe they need a leader. i’d love to see the next "i have a dream speech" in hd. probably shouldn’t come from michael moore or roseann barr. some rapper did a poem titled 'money man'. without hearing it i'm guessing it's not what i had in mind.

maybe it is time for our own change. maybe we need a new leader, more non leaders or a super committee. maybe next year

here is how shoes played out:
r.r.1st
c.k. 2nd
j.b  3rd
discretionary pts:
1 s.m. for bringing beer
2 n.g. ice pack points to "keep it interesting"

chili con carnage

i got nothing except 
the cure for ring sting is freeze a roll of toilet paper

here's how the chili went down.

p.n. 1st
m.w. 2nd
c.t. 3rd

discretionary points:
a.l. host
f.g worst chili
j.p worst effort

thanks al

■■▬■ ■■▬ ▬ ▬ ▬■■■ ■▬■■ ■

i’m not canadian, but i might call this icing.  where was the center red line?  did it cross any part of the goal crease?  it doesn’t really matter.  we dropped the ball on this one.



if everything works out there will be a field trip afterward.  so consider this your permission slip -pinned to your shirt. 

train wreck of thought

a few things i never do: signal before changing lanes (i consider it like telegraphing a pass{unless it is a no look}). undertip (i was a waiter once. {to me  fifteen percent is insult enough. [unless it’s coming from a senior citizen]}). think that any task is beneath me (i wouldn’t ask you to do something i wouldn’t do myself). say to my wife, i saw this in a porn (explanation. really?) write a blog post the same night as a pub crawl. (i tried editing it a few times, but couldn’t quite get it straight.)

a few things i should never do again: take the wasabi dare (sake chaser?). give a hitchhiker a ride (she looked harmless).  take a ride from a stranger when i have the kids (unless we are in costa rica, it’s raining and the ex-pat offers a beer), get in the way of venice loco willy (no one has a knife - it's venice). write a blog post the same night as a pub crawl. i digress or did i...

here's how the pub crawl points were passed out
m.b. 1st
f.g.  2nd
n.g. 3rd
discretionary pints go to
b.t.
m.b.
r.b

here's to you benny

this is not news

i know it is archaic but i still get the newspaper. i like the whole process of going through the sections with a cup of coffee {less getting caught in my underwear by the occasional jogger that sneaks up on me - gooood mornin!}. a few years ago we cut the subscription back to thrusday – sunday because more often than not it would go from front porch to blue bin without even removing the plastic. one day i went out front and there were several newspapers littering our doorstep. people must have thought we were out of town. i noticed that is was a full week’s worth of papers. they were delivering everyday! believing it had something to do with our generous christmas card, i vowed to take full advantage of this freebee and read more. but after a few months of straight to recycle bin i called the los angeles times to rectify.

as the operator explained that for the same low price they would deliver an electronic copy everyday plus a physical paper whatever days i wish... a light bulb went on in my head {it must've been one of those spencer's black lights circa 1980}, because the next thing i knew we were going over some crazy random schedule just to confuse the paper boy.  fri – sun, every first tue of the month and nothing on oct. 29th or fri the 13th.

to this day, i have not confirmed whether they have kept up with my lame request or have i opened the spam that crowds my inbox. i do know i do not like that that the times is selling front page advertising space to look like news - especially to the kardasians.

mnemonics

1983 was huge for me. i experienced a lot of new things. my first show and my first stage dive. we went in as three clueless catholic school boys. but we came out smiling. there were torn clothes, bruises and some blood. i always considered myself lucky in that i only lost a shoe and that my mom dropped off.

i don’t recall how we got it, but i remember drinking in the alley before we went in. and i will never forget d.m. saying, “i before e except after budweiser.”

here's one to help you remember:
Pansies Can Skip This Fun

the first letter of each word gives you the first letter of
Pub Crawl Sept Twenty Fourth

hold it

they finally finished the new restrooms at bicknell. not sure exactly how long it took, but it was the better part of two summers. it really had nothing to do with the toilets. i have a pretty solid no public dumping policy. it can wait until i get to the office. for me it is all about the showers. in part, to rinse the itchy salt from my shoulders and to clean the sand off my feet (even though i kinda like feeling sand between my toes as i go about my day). mainly it is to wash away as much of that soggy stale urine neoprene smell as i can. i can’t even count the times my glossy squint, exhale, grin turned to hold your breath, grimace, wink as i tried to cut off the warm flow into my wetsuit while considering if there is any fresh water in my car. it’s not like i didn’t walk right past the site enclosed by a chain link fence and think to myself, ‘don’t pee’, but as i paddle out to the line up and sit up the urge would hit me and whether i had to go or not - i’d pee freely. some days i would go another four blocks south, but typically i choose camaraderie over personal hygiene.

golf:

p.n. 1st

c.t. 2nd

d.d. 3rd

discretionary:

f.g. coordination

c.k. closest to the pin

d.f. angry bird 

thanks frank and dean

next up the pub crawl. some of you better check with your wife.

tee’d off

about a year ago my wife and i were spending a little alone time in the jacuzzi. kids asleep. bottle of wine. soft warm bubbles below. stary skies above. very relaxing - until the scream. the next thing i knew we were standing dripping in the kitchen. she pants “there is a rat in the jacuzzi!” so much for alone time...

i’m not a big fan of vermin. only a few months prior i had to remove the largest dead raccoon from under the deck (i say 'i', but what i really mean i removed the deck boards and the exterminator pealed out the maggot infested raccoon carcass. {as he held up and shook the garbage bag with a smile said, that it weighed about thirty pounds, or what was left of him anyway. and that i should pour some bleach over what was left in there}).

back in the kitchen, it was way too late to call the exterminator, so i put on some clothes, grabbed the skimmer and head out there and find an opossum doing laps around the edge trying to get out of the water. i scoped his sorry ass out and flicked him on to the grass. rather than being grateful it hisses at me and stood its ground. it took a few jabs with the net before he scurried off.

i did a full water change the next day and fixed a gap on the fence where it might have snuck through. even with all of the that it was a long time before i felt comfortable enough to get back in without feeling uneasy. now, just last night, while taking the trash out i bumped into three young raccoons all standing on the spa cover. one of them was trying to lift it. hopefully not to go for a swim.

dammit

next up golf. expect more info from d.d. and f.g.

i’ve got your number

ever find yourself in the check out line and the person behind the counter says, “do you have a club card?” but you don't.  or are you the type that doesn’t want that little card attached to your keychain. well i have the answer for you.

plug in your area code or the area code of the line you are standing in and use 8675-309 and jenny will hook you up.

and should the question ever come up: the song performed by tommy tutone, written by alex call and jim keller, released nov 16, 1981, 7in vinyl, columbia records, number one on billboard’s top tracks in 1982, the b-side “not say goodbye”, certified gold and covered by everclear, foo fighters, less than jake, motley crue, green day and the goo goo dolls.

don’t say i’ve never gave you anything

here is how the möty crüe charted:

points:

1st d.c.

2nd m.c.

3rd j.b.

discretionary:

j.s. over 50 dead shows

m.c. malcolm mclaren ass and grass

s.m. kiss rocks

 
jeff - "thank you for a real good time!"

four is the magic number

i've obviously seen too many school house rock live productions this weekend.

if there was an award for most awesomest comedy band - the grammy goes to
axis of awesome.

ok maybe someone could give them an award for best use of dockweilder beach or most likely to kind of look like jack black.

looks like another perfect day

driving up to the orzabal estate in the hollywood hills today was quintessential los angeles. my day began on the 10 freeway in bumper to bumper traffic. then, on la brea, i spotted a larger than life mr. brainwash original that covered the entire side of the building. a few blocks up at fountain avenue i saw kat von d standing with a group smoking a cigarette outside high voltage. further up the road, a camera crew filming an actor in front of crazy girls strip club caught my eye. the guy was dressed like a bum holding a cardboard sign that read ‘need money for tities’. it was so obvious he was an actor. his shoes totally gave him away. as i turned on to hollywood blvd, you’d think i'd be shocked by the guy on a gold road bike wearing red, yellow and green spandex, but that was nothing compared to the gnarly dread that was causing his helmet to sit all cockeyed on his head. winding my way up nichols canyon, i had to pull over to wrap up my phone conversation before i lost all cell reception. sitting there on the side of the road, i saw a lost dog flyer on a post. apparently chester is a pretty old shepard mix. he really needs his medication and acupuncture. if you see him there is a $2000 dollar reward. as i pulled up to the gate and rolled down my window i noticed roland’s neighbor had a sotheby’s for sale sign and the listing agent is sharona alperin. - i love l.a.!

get ready rock stars. up next is music appreciation. j.s. will provide more information soon.

taking one for the team

if your desire to own the rights to operate a team in l.a. is getting you down? let me make you the offer of a life time

get in on the ground level of the hottest new franchise in town
tremendously lucrative network deal potential
no commissioner preventing you from paying off your personal legal expenses
salary cap commensurate to 1970s players rates
no stringent guidelines (good luck devaluing what this market will bare)
private and corporate ownership welcome
extremely lax contractual obligations (you’re free to sue whomever you wish)
somewhat reasonable franchise fees
100% guaranty your wife will not want any part of this

all resonalbe offers will be considered. please call 555.367.6689
will trade for parking facility near chavez ravine area





here is how the points were calcuateded, liquidated and reorganized:

c.t. 1st
b.s. 2nd
n.g. 3rd

discretionary
l.r.
d.f.
j.b.

way-to-go-da-vid. way-to-go!

here’s to you

heartbeats by the knife


some say this song is about two girls experimenting. another version is about her own one night stand with an addict. when i first heard it my impression was parenting. from the recollection of my own lost innocence during the early days of fatherhood to the realization of my evolving wisdom and the deeper connection with those i share the experience with. (yep - i probably totally misinterpreted it {don't worry about it [i'm not]}).


have an awesome fathers day weekend!!!

not a teenager anymore

if i were to tell you i had a world famous double double today. you’d probably say, ‘in and out burger – yum.’ but... i said “world famous”... so now your thinking, ‘ooh an original tommy's world famous double chili burger.’ nope. not quite that either.

i’m talking an in and out double double with original tommy’s chili on top! to the best of my knowledge this culinary frankenburger was concocted way back in the wee morning hours by a group of high school kids too off to know any better and too on to care.

it hit me like a ton of bricks when the cute girl in the red hat smiled and said please pull forward. this heightened sense of purpose came over me. a clarity or even a deeper understand of the universe as a whole. this all succumbing realty as to what needed to happen next filled my very being. even the traffic along lincoln seemed to stand still.

so now an hour has passed. it is perfectly clear i am sweating (either from the peppers or i am in shock). i am overwhelmed by both the stench of grease rising up from the waste basket and the absurd number of napkins involved in my gluttony. my hands and possibly my face are chili stained.  it feels like there is a brick in my stomach.  i think others are aware of my gurgling.  i’m feeling pretty woozy. have to move very slowly now.

sicgusted.

trouble at 134 hz

it’s been along while since i’ve had to deal with these sound attenuation issues.  as my and the recording industry change we need to get our cut. getting this piece of pi comes with a cost. becoming more involved with the acoustical diminution of the intensity of sound energy propagating in a medium through absorption comes with it’s own different set of headaches. i get the concept of generated more revenue from this specific aspect of my job, but i would still rather sub it out. in this particular circumstance the resonation occurs at exactly the frequency as the shovel is wide {coincidence - well it wouldn't be the first time}. i know the height, width, depth and angles of the shovel, but if i were to explain angular velocity, frequency and hertz all having the dimensions of 1/s, i’d be talking outside my comfort zone. to be honest, i cannot truly appreicate what i’m talking about… but after removing these little gems from my ears i can actually hear it more now than just feel it.

here’s how the bocce points bounced – rather buried in the sand

points:
n.g 1st
m.s 2nd
m.c 3rd

discretionary:
j.d. coordination and bringing beer
m.c. coordination and bringing more beer
m.s. for breaking my balls

thanks for rolling with it mike and john

analyze this

i had the weirdest dream the other night. after all of the hoopla surrounding that royal wedding i went to bed saying, “how could so many people give a flying f_ck.”

so in my dream i was there at the mall selling helium filled blowup dolls with a paper mask of kate’s face tied around the head. i was wearing a shirt that read ‘i did the duchess’. to go deeper (excuse the pun) into my dream, i was overwhelmed. people were buying them up like hot cakes (not another one). i couldn’t fill them and tie on the masks on fast enough. i was sending people i didn’t know to buy more dolls, get more helium, search for a printer to make more masks. all the while the scissors wouldn’t cut the string.  i was having trouble dialing the country and area code on my rotary dial mobile phone and trying to make change while working out the buck/quid exchange rate. it was very stressful.

and now as the whole bin laden story begins to unfold... i’m not sure if i am more stressed about posting this or going to sleep.

join the revolution

gather round men or should i say GETHER. i don’t claim to know much about anything. i, typically, have more questions than answers, but the concept of crowd sourcing makes my mind explode when i think of all of the possibilities.

who is the mechanical turk, why doesn’t three pair beat three of a kind and what’s up with my wife??? these may not be the best queries or use of this powerful tool, but as my mind bogs down with more interesting and less appropriate ideas, i keep thinking of how this could be valuable to all of us in our own personal and professional applications. i say it is time to enlist!

definitely worth checking out r.b.'s latest and greatest!

here is how the chips fell

poker

1st j.w.

2nd p.n.

3rd n.g.

discretionary

c.k. coordination

f.g. card slinging

p.n. hanging tough

thanks chris - well played

the ruins of el segundo

my travels of late took me back to my roots in more ways than one. san polo matese to see where my grandparents were born, lived and married prior to moving to southern califronia to, and far less interesting, my educational background. a bachelors degree in urban studies with an emphasis in city planning which has gotten far less use than the time it took to get that damn piece of paper. seeing all of those old towns and cities in italy got me thinking about the city of the los angeles and how little history we as angelino’s preserve.

surfridge is our own little version of pompeii. far less considered or appreciated, and the chances of getting a guided tour are about as good as me winning our poker tournament. i drive by it nearly everyday and other than my absurd thoughts of redeveloping it as a beach colony with some crazy sound attenuation features or a hearing impaired community with an affinity for the blue butterfly, i

cant think of a better use of this prime real estate other the golf course that will never happen.

across from dockweilder beach with it’s rolling hills and ocean views it was once compared to pacific palisades. by the fifties this 470 acre cozy beach neighborhood with some 800 homes never imagined that mines airfield was going to be the cause of it's demise.  today all that remains are inaccessible worn out streets and a few abandoned lamp posts.

i can only wonder if they incorporated some spectacular architecture, remarkable cathedrals, magnificent artwork and a few brothels, surfridge may have stood a better chance. eminent domain kicks major volcanic activity’s ass very time in the south bay.

speaking of artwork, if you want to check out some really cool art, ben kelley will be showing several of his new sculptures at an upcoming show at the subliminal projects gallery. it may not be michelangelo’s david, but you don’t have to travel as far to see it.

poker is this saturday, rsvp to c.k. and j.w.

amalfi shore

here's the 'situation'.  the guidos and guidettes are heading to the motherland. 

the next event will be poker instead of baseball.  the date is set (i hope).  c.k. and j.w. will be on point for this one.  good luck gents.  hope to see you there.

have a great spring break and don't forget your moty spring break tips.

ciao

who's who

is it just me or does anyone else hear the detroit rock city bass riff every time you see this <-guy's face in the news.  come to think of it... where is the demon these days.

i know whose trading card i have and it is not shannon tweed

i also get hungry when they call him the colonel

knock out

1st b.s

2nd s.l.

3rd c.t.

m.o.t.y

1st j.p.

2nd c.t.

3rd n.g

brackets

1st s.l.
2nd j.p.
3rd n.g.

thanks for bringing your a game j.p and n.g.

lasting more than four hours

get

your picks in. 

brackets close tomorrow at 

9am                                             pdt

too obvious

 

two scoops

to moty mayhem link

bank shot

after writing about street art in dogtown, i discovered banksy. no one knows who he is, but i’m sure im not him. i appreciate his art as well as his sense of humor. and the irony of street art leading to vandalism (in the form of cutting the stucco off a the side of a building to steal his works and sell it on ebay) makes me like it that much more. probably not what he had in mind when he did his graffiti removal piece. on the other hand, i applaud him for finally getting that old eye soar tanker

on pch removed. i liked it banksyfied. it

 reminded me of the oil

pumps painted to look like animals. too bad

he didn’t get a cut from the highest bidder. 
not that he needs it.

those who saw the movie while i dealt with the flakey babysitter felt like they were had.

there was more talk about bonus points. im thinking field trip. send in a picture with you beside a banksy original wearing your moty t-shirt for an extra point. or if he infiltrates your top march madness pick you’ll get an extra point too.

now if i could just figure out the tabs/margins on the darn blog... 

march madness selection sunday is march 13.

the stick and stein has closed their doors so

we’re still working on the pop a shot portion.

any suggestions

more info from n.g. and j.p. soon

man enough

this is just a starter list.  i'm sure it will evolve over the course of the season

talking smack to your moty crew yes – dropping the f-bomb in your academy acceptance speech no
t-moble chick yes - verizon ‘hear me know’ guy no
tax write off and padding my man fund yes – give you ‘reject butts’ free sh-aht no
15 guys bringing it to k1 speed and leaving it all on the track yes - leaving a little o negative on the wall at turn three hell yes
wave garden yes – wave pool no
listing agent yes – reo department no
punk rock bowl yes – black light bowl no
moty math yes – exact science no
amanda knox yes- silvio berlusconi no – well maybe... his meter maid stunt was pretty funny
information flow yes – info stockpile no
laptop yes – tablet no (i’m holding out for the hologram. even better glasses {preferably not the granny shades})
blue ray yes - hddvd no (unless it’s streaming to my i-arnettes)
bloody race track yes – blood on the highway no
tons of emails giving me this great material yes - saying nothing no
bringing extra beer yes - pit stop for more beer at kmart between heats yes
a 19 year old beer trophy yes - 18 year old jameson oh yes
chuck yeager yes – chuck sheen no (except if he is all hopped up on s.k.)

i'll try my best to keep you abreast of all things manly

k1 points:
c.k. 5pts
d.f. 4pts
s.m. 3 pts
discretionary points:
j.s. for being a mad man.  the break is the one of the left.
m.w. for not keeping your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times
r.b. for bringing the hurt

keep the pedal to the metal randy!

next up – march madness and pop a shot. or slam dunk contest? we could bring a tramp and lower the rim.  n.g. and j.p. will be getting you more info soon.

i’ll stand on my head

what’s up with advertisers these days. as technologies evolve, computer generated imagery pushes further and 3dimensional commercials are right around the corner, you’d think so would the viewer’s desire for better. so the 30 second/million dollar question is – how can monkeys driving and a fist pumping beaver (did i say that) still sell products. if that is the case, then bring back howdy doody {oh wait... they did that with eminem}.

i realize the super bowl is an event for the whole family. i am not pushing for more risque ads (the amount of scantly clad hot chicks is just about right). i’m advocating for our children. we owe it to them to develop their wit and set forth a foundation for a bona fide sense of humor. someday we will be watching their advisements. please steer them away from the cal worthington mind set.
(i am probably the last guy to have any say when it comes to selling tires or energy drinks or anything. i stopped watching survivor after we chose richard hatch.)

the points are updated. congrats to c.k. and one for f.g. for making it happen. 

for me – just some sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so you can rest medicine and box of nose in need deserves puffs indeed.

word play

i feel like i’ve been doggin my bloggin this year. i’d like to say i’ve been busy. maybe spreading myself too thin is more appropriate. probably more accurate is simply unfocused. i’ve been up to a little bit of everything as well as a whole lot of nothing. i have been gone a lot, but not so far gone that i don’t know the other definition of “dogging”. so i’m definitely not dogging anybody.

i did find time to read about three new breeds of dogs. interesting that the first line about the xoloitzcuintli says, “ it is an old mexican breed”. so why’d they list it... my answer to that would be identical to my explanation of what is going on in egypt.

i do know there is some potential for captions to these protest picts any takers



who ever smelt it

 

whooa double rainbow



whaaat?

it's all in the back swing

i will try to keep you informed and up to date regarding all facts that might be useless.

r.b. is in charge of february’s go-kart event. k1 speed in torrance, sunday feb 27th, 4pm.  please rsvp to him and he should be able to answer all of your questions. i’m going to try to do two posts per month. one for the invite and one for the outcome.

not talking sushi

the california roll. we all do it. the act of not making a full and complete stop where as the vehicles forward motion ceases and the suspension releases. yep, that's me.  the kicker is; i was on my street. the whole thing went down right in front of my house. and you know how the gundo p.d. rolls- count’em one, two, three cops surrounding me with their lights flashing.  just as my wife and kids walk out the door heading off to school.

you’d think having your seven year old run up, throw her arms around you and plead to officer one, "dont arrest my daddy.” might work to my advantage. how about my conversation with officer two about his extreme home makeover experience. maybe knowing the show’s construction consultant is one thing, but being friends with paige the pink tool belt chick should earn me a free pass or at least a stern warning. nope. ‘sign here’ is all i got.

my driving record for the past 12 months: accident, ticket, accident, accident, ticket. not bad for a guy who drives around ten thousand miles a year.

next up go kart racing.

the konami code

nope. doesn’t mean anything to me. for me it began with pong and for the most part it ended with donkey kong. i know the trick with the straw for free credits on the arcade game, but that’s about it. i’ve never put on a headset and played a pov shooter game with different gamers in far away places. we have wii, but the only games played in our house are sing it, just dance and wipeout.

the ataris took it a little further beyond their name,
they have a song titled
“up up down down left right left right b a start” which is a cheater code that unlocks features in many video games.

i don’t know about that, but i do appreciate the chorus, “sometimes you gotta stop and remember. that your not gonna be young forever. think smart, have fun, stay true and don't ever grow up.”

high scorers:

1st pn

2nd jb
3rd sl

discretionary points:
sk for talking smack
sm for trusting the crew
td gets an ice pack point for an unscheduled neck surgery

do the deux

growing up in the valley required some creativity when it came to going out. the yard didn't card, the bartenders at weber’s typically turned a blind eye, a friends older brother tended bar at los toros back when it was a hole in wall. and if all else failed, the winnetka drive in was a great back up plan. "yes sir. just one please. i’m... ah... meeting some friends {none of whom are in the trunk right now}". one time, after some technical difficulties acquiring beer and boones farm, we ended up with two twelvers of jolt cola. bottom line is several cans of highly caffeinated soda doesn’t really affect you until you try to go to sleep. the other side effect of consuming large quantities of an outrageously sugary beverage was waking up with a huge zit the next day. should'a just stayed in.

january’s event is moty dew. since we’re borrowing their logo, i thought we'd utilize their website for our first event. go to mtn dew.com games. play three card moty and email the crew a screen shot of your score. i’ll explain tie breakers if need be.  you have 24 hours to get your score in.