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do the deux

growing up in the valley required some creativity when it came to going out. the yard didn't card, the bartenders at weber’s typically turned a blind eye, a friends older brother tended bar at los toros back when it was a hole in wall. and if all else failed, the winnetka drive in was a great back up plan. "yes sir. just one please. i’m... ah... meeting some friends {none of whom are in the trunk right now}". one time, after some technical difficulties acquiring beer and boones farm, we ended up with two twelvers of jolt cola. bottom line is several cans of highly caffeinated soda doesn’t really affect you until you try to go to sleep. the other side effect of consuming large quantities of an outrageously sugary beverage was waking up with a huge zit the next day. should'a just stayed in.

january’s event is moty dew. since we’re borrowing their logo, i thought we'd utilize their website for our first event. go to mtn dew.com games. play three card moty and email the crew a screen shot of your score. i’ll explain tie breakers if need be.  you have 24 hours to get your score in.

i woke up in the middle of the night in a panic

while digging thru the trash with a flashlight, i remembered there was photographic evidence.

rest assured my friends – there is a ‘g’ in the top left package!

i had a few epiphanies standing outside in my underwear

• a hot dog without fillers, preservatives and nitrates isn’t a hot dog
• there is no way one can eat that poorly and not feel like crap
• any way you mix it, absinthe is still gross. it’s not the way to synesthesia.
• you can wrap real bacon around a veggie dog, but don’t bother wrapping turkey bacon or ‘fakon’ around a real dog.
• the truly remarkable aspect of swedish ingenuity comes after the initial furniture design. the breakdown for packaging and shipping, industrial design of parts for assembly and not one single word in the instruction manual (not like we’d read it anyway)

here is how the points were mechanically separated, stuffed into a cellulose like plastic casing and chemically cured

go cart racing
d.f. 1st place
j.b. 2nd place
c,k. 3rd place

all hot dog eating contestants were awarded two points for their intestinal fortitude

discretionary points
j.d. 2 pts for driving like a mad man and doing the surfboard shlep
f.g. 1 pt for winning the chip challenge
if i had any discretionary points to give, i’d give them all to my HOTY for all of her effort. thanks babe