chili con carnage

i got nothing except 
the cure for ring sting is freeze a roll of toilet paper

here's how the chili went down.

p.n. 1st
m.w. 2nd
c.t. 3rd

discretionary points:
a.l. host
f.g worst chili
j.p worst effort

thanks al

■■▬■ ■■▬ ▬ ▬ ▬■■■ ■▬■■ ■

i’m not canadian, but i might call this icing.  where was the center red line?  did it cross any part of the goal crease?  it doesn’t really matter.  we dropped the ball on this one.



if everything works out there will be a field trip afterward.  so consider this your permission slip -pinned to your shirt. 

train wreck of thought

a few things i never do: signal before changing lanes (i consider it like telegraphing a pass{unless it is a no look}). undertip (i was a waiter once. {to me  fifteen percent is insult enough. [unless it’s coming from a senior citizen]}). think that any task is beneath me (i wouldn’t ask you to do something i wouldn’t do myself). say to my wife, i saw this in a porn (explanation. really?) write a blog post the same night as a pub crawl. (i tried editing it a few times, but couldn’t quite get it straight.)

a few things i should never do again: take the wasabi dare (sake chaser?). give a hitchhiker a ride (she looked harmless).  take a ride from a stranger when i have the kids (unless we are in costa rica, it’s raining and the ex-pat offers a beer), get in the way of venice loco willy (no one has a knife - it's venice). write a blog post the same night as a pub crawl. i digress or did i...

here's how the pub crawl points were passed out
m.b. 1st
f.g.  2nd
n.g. 3rd
discretionary pints go to
b.t.
m.b.
r.b

here's to you benny

this is not news

i know it is archaic but i still get the newspaper. i like the whole process of going through the sections with a cup of coffee {less getting caught in my underwear by the occasional jogger that sneaks up on me - gooood mornin!}. a few years ago we cut the subscription back to thrusday – sunday because more often than not it would go from front porch to blue bin without even removing the plastic. one day i went out front and there were several newspapers littering our doorstep. people must have thought we were out of town. i noticed that is was a full week’s worth of papers. they were delivering everyday! believing it had something to do with our generous christmas card, i vowed to take full advantage of this freebee and read more. but after a few months of straight to recycle bin i called the los angeles times to rectify.

as the operator explained that for the same low price they would deliver an electronic copy everyday plus a physical paper whatever days i wish... a light bulb went on in my head {it must've been one of those spencer's black lights circa 1980}, because the next thing i knew we were going over some crazy random schedule just to confuse the paper boy.  fri – sun, every first tue of the month and nothing on oct. 29th or fri the 13th.

to this day, i have not confirmed whether they have kept up with my lame request or have i opened the spam that crowds my inbox. i do know i do not like that that the times is selling front page advertising space to look like news - especially to the kardasians.

mnemonics

1983 was huge for me. i experienced a lot of new things. my first show and my first stage dive. we went in as three clueless catholic school boys. but we came out smiling. there were torn clothes, bruises and some blood. i always considered myself lucky in that i only lost a shoe and that my mom dropped off.

i don’t recall how we got it, but i remember drinking in the alley before we went in. and i will never forget d.m. saying, “i before e except after budweiser.”

here's one to help you remember:
Pansies Can Skip This Fun

the first letter of each word gives you the first letter of
Pub Crawl Sept Twenty Fourth

hold it

they finally finished the new restrooms at bicknell. not sure exactly how long it took, but it was the better part of two summers. it really had nothing to do with the toilets. i have a pretty solid no public dumping policy. it can wait until i get to the office. for me it is all about the showers. in part, to rinse the itchy salt from my shoulders and to clean the sand off my feet (even though i kinda like feeling sand between my toes as i go about my day). mainly it is to wash away as much of that soggy stale urine neoprene smell as i can. i can’t even count the times my glossy squint, exhale, grin turned to hold your breath, grimace, wink as i tried to cut off the warm flow into my wetsuit while considering if there is any fresh water in my car. it’s not like i didn’t walk right past the site enclosed by a chain link fence and think to myself, ‘don’t pee’, but as i paddle out to the line up and sit up the urge would hit me and whether i had to go or not - i’d pee freely. some days i would go another four blocks south, but typically i choose camaraderie over personal hygiene.

golf:

p.n. 1st

c.t. 2nd

d.d. 3rd

discretionary:

f.g. coordination

c.k. closest to the pin

d.f. angry bird 

thanks frank and dean

next up the pub crawl. some of you better check with your wife.

tee’d off

about a year ago my wife and i were spending a little alone time in the jacuzzi. kids asleep. bottle of wine. soft warm bubbles below. stary skies above. very relaxing - until the scream. the next thing i knew we were standing dripping in the kitchen. she pants “there is a rat in the jacuzzi!” so much for alone time...

i’m not a big fan of vermin. only a few months prior i had to remove the largest dead raccoon from under the deck (i say 'i', but what i really mean i removed the deck boards and the exterminator pealed out the maggot infested raccoon carcass. {as he held up and shook the garbage bag with a smile said, that it weighed about thirty pounds, or what was left of him anyway. and that i should pour some bleach over what was left in there}).

back in the kitchen, it was way too late to call the exterminator, so i put on some clothes, grabbed the skimmer and head out there and find an opossum doing laps around the edge trying to get out of the water. i scoped his sorry ass out and flicked him on to the grass. rather than being grateful it hisses at me and stood its ground. it took a few jabs with the net before he scurried off.

i did a full water change the next day and fixed a gap on the fence where it might have snuck through. even with all of the that it was a long time before i felt comfortable enough to get back in without feeling uneasy. now, just last night, while taking the trash out i bumped into three young raccoons all standing on the spa cover. one of them was trying to lift it. hopefully not to go for a swim.

dammit

next up golf. expect more info from d.d. and f.g.

i’ve got your number

ever find yourself in the check out line and the person behind the counter says, “do you have a club card?” but you don't.  or are you the type that doesn’t want that little card attached to your keychain. well i have the answer for you.

plug in your area code or the area code of the line you are standing in and use 8675-309 and jenny will hook you up.

and should the question ever come up: the song performed by tommy tutone, written by alex call and jim keller, released nov 16, 1981, 7in vinyl, columbia records, number one on billboard’s top tracks in 1982, the b-side “not say goodbye”, certified gold and covered by everclear, foo fighters, less than jake, motley crue, green day and the goo goo dolls.

don’t say i’ve never gave you anything

here is how the möty crüe charted:

points:

1st d.c.

2nd m.c.

3rd j.b.

discretionary:

j.s. over 50 dead shows

m.c. malcolm mclaren ass and grass

s.m. kiss rocks

 
jeff - "thank you for a real good time!"

four is the magic number

i've obviously seen too many school house rock live productions this weekend.

if there was an award for most awesomest comedy band - the grammy goes to
axis of awesome.

ok maybe someone could give them an award for best use of dockweilder beach or most likely to kind of look like jack black.

looks like another perfect day

driving up to the orzabal estate in the hollywood hills today was quintessential los angeles. my day began on the 10 freeway in bumper to bumper traffic. then, on la brea, i spotted a larger than life mr. brainwash original that covered the entire side of the building. a few blocks up at fountain avenue i saw kat von d standing with a group smoking a cigarette outside high voltage. further up the road, a camera crew filming an actor in front of crazy girls strip club caught my eye. the guy was dressed like a bum holding a cardboard sign that read ‘need money for tities’. it was so obvious he was an actor. his shoes totally gave him away. as i turned on to hollywood blvd, you’d think i'd be shocked by the guy on a gold road bike wearing red, yellow and green spandex, but that was nothing compared to the gnarly dread that was causing his helmet to sit all cockeyed on his head. winding my way up nichols canyon, i had to pull over to wrap up my phone conversation before i lost all cell reception. sitting there on the side of the road, i saw a lost dog flyer on a post. apparently chester is a pretty old shepard mix. he really needs his medication and acupuncture. if you see him there is a $2000 dollar reward. as i pulled up to the gate and rolled down my window i noticed roland’s neighbor had a sotheby’s for sale sign and the listing agent is sharona alperin. - i love l.a.!

get ready rock stars. up next is music appreciation. j.s. will provide more information soon.

taking one for the team

if your desire to own the rights to operate a team in l.a. is getting you down? let me make you the offer of a life time

get in on the ground level of the hottest new franchise in town
tremendously lucrative network deal potential
no commissioner preventing you from paying off your personal legal expenses
salary cap commensurate to 1970s players rates
no stringent guidelines (good luck devaluing what this market will bare)
private and corporate ownership welcome
extremely lax contractual obligations (you’re free to sue whomever you wish)
somewhat reasonable franchise fees
100% guaranty your wife will not want any part of this

all resonalbe offers will be considered. please call 555.367.6689
will trade for parking facility near chavez ravine area





here is how the points were calcuateded, liquidated and reorganized:

c.t. 1st
b.s. 2nd
n.g. 3rd

discretionary
l.r.
d.f.
j.b.

way-to-go-da-vid. way-to-go!

here’s to you

heartbeats by the knife


some say this song is about two girls experimenting. another version is about her own one night stand with an addict. when i first heard it my impression was parenting. from the recollection of my own lost innocence during the early days of fatherhood to the realization of my evolving wisdom and the deeper connection with those i share the experience with. (yep - i probably totally misinterpreted it {don't worry about it [i'm not]}).


have an awesome fathers day weekend!!!

not a teenager anymore

if i were to tell you i had a world famous double double today. you’d probably say, ‘in and out burger – yum.’ but... i said “world famous”... so now your thinking, ‘ooh an original tommy's world famous double chili burger.’ nope. not quite that either.

i’m talking an in and out double double with original tommy’s chili on top! to the best of my knowledge this culinary frankenburger was concocted way back in the wee morning hours by a group of high school kids too off to know any better and too on to care.

it hit me like a ton of bricks when the cute girl in the red hat smiled and said please pull forward. this heightened sense of purpose came over me. a clarity or even a deeper understand of the universe as a whole. this all succumbing realty as to what needed to happen next filled my very being. even the traffic along lincoln seemed to stand still.

so now an hour has passed. it is perfectly clear i am sweating (either from the peppers or i am in shock). i am overwhelmed by both the stench of grease rising up from the waste basket and the absurd number of napkins involved in my gluttony. my hands and possibly my face are chili stained.  it feels like there is a brick in my stomach.  i think others are aware of my gurgling.  i’m feeling pretty woozy. have to move very slowly now.

sicgusted.

trouble at 134 hz

it’s been along while since i’ve had to deal with these sound attenuation issues.  as my and the recording industry change we need to get our cut. getting this piece of pi comes with a cost. becoming more involved with the acoustical diminution of the intensity of sound energy propagating in a medium through absorption comes with it’s own different set of headaches. i get the concept of generated more revenue from this specific aspect of my job, but i would still rather sub it out. in this particular circumstance the resonation occurs at exactly the frequency as the shovel is wide {coincidence - well it wouldn't be the first time}. i know the height, width, depth and angles of the shovel, but if i were to explain angular velocity, frequency and hertz all having the dimensions of 1/s, i’d be talking outside my comfort zone. to be honest, i cannot truly appreicate what i’m talking about… but after removing these little gems from my ears i can actually hear it more now than just feel it.

here’s how the bocce points bounced – rather buried in the sand

points:
n.g 1st
m.s 2nd
m.c 3rd

discretionary:
j.d. coordination and bringing beer
m.c. coordination and bringing more beer
m.s. for breaking my balls

thanks for rolling with it mike and john

analyze this

i had the weirdest dream the other night. after all of the hoopla surrounding that royal wedding i went to bed saying, “how could so many people give a flying f_ck.”

so in my dream i was there at the mall selling helium filled blowup dolls with a paper mask of kate’s face tied around the head. i was wearing a shirt that read ‘i did the duchess’. to go deeper (excuse the pun) into my dream, i was overwhelmed. people were buying them up like hot cakes (not another one). i couldn’t fill them and tie on the masks on fast enough. i was sending people i didn’t know to buy more dolls, get more helium, search for a printer to make more masks. all the while the scissors wouldn’t cut the string.  i was having trouble dialing the country and area code on my rotary dial mobile phone and trying to make change while working out the buck/quid exchange rate. it was very stressful.

and now as the whole bin laden story begins to unfold... i’m not sure if i am more stressed about posting this or going to sleep.

join the revolution

gather round men or should i say GETHER. i don’t claim to know much about anything. i, typically, have more questions than answers, but the concept of crowd sourcing makes my mind explode when i think of all of the possibilities.

who is the mechanical turk, why doesn’t three pair beat three of a kind and what’s up with my wife??? these may not be the best queries or use of this powerful tool, but as my mind bogs down with more interesting and less appropriate ideas, i keep thinking of how this could be valuable to all of us in our own personal and professional applications. i say it is time to enlist!

definitely worth checking out r.b.'s latest and greatest!

here is how the chips fell

poker

1st j.w.

2nd p.n.

3rd n.g.

discretionary

c.k. coordination

f.g. card slinging

p.n. hanging tough

thanks chris - well played

the ruins of el segundo

my travels of late took me back to my roots in more ways than one. san polo matese to see where my grandparents were born, lived and married prior to moving to southern califronia to, and far less interesting, my educational background. a bachelors degree in urban studies with an emphasis in city planning which has gotten far less use than the time it took to get that damn piece of paper. seeing all of those old towns and cities in italy got me thinking about the city of the los angeles and how little history we as angelino’s preserve.

surfridge is our own little version of pompeii. far less considered or appreciated, and the chances of getting a guided tour are about as good as me winning our poker tournament. i drive by it nearly everyday and other than my absurd thoughts of redeveloping it as a beach colony with some crazy sound attenuation features or a hearing impaired community with an affinity for the blue butterfly, i

cant think of a better use of this prime real estate other the golf course that will never happen.

across from dockweilder beach with it’s rolling hills and ocean views it was once compared to pacific palisades. by the fifties this 470 acre cozy beach neighborhood with some 800 homes never imagined that mines airfield was going to be the cause of it's demise.  today all that remains are inaccessible worn out streets and a few abandoned lamp posts.

i can only wonder if they incorporated some spectacular architecture, remarkable cathedrals, magnificent artwork and a few brothels, surfridge may have stood a better chance. eminent domain kicks major volcanic activity’s ass very time in the south bay.

speaking of artwork, if you want to check out some really cool art, ben kelley will be showing several of his new sculptures at an upcoming show at the subliminal projects gallery. it may not be michelangelo’s david, but you don’t have to travel as far to see it.

poker is this saturday, rsvp to c.k. and j.w.

amalfi shore

here's the 'situation'.  the guidos and guidettes are heading to the motherland. 

the next event will be poker instead of baseball.  the date is set (i hope).  c.k. and j.w. will be on point for this one.  good luck gents.  hope to see you there.

have a great spring break and don't forget your moty spring break tips.

ciao

who's who

is it just me or does anyone else hear the detroit rock city bass riff every time you see this <-guy's face in the news.  come to think of it... where is the demon these days.

i know whose trading card i have and it is not shannon tweed

i also get hungry when they call him the colonel

knock out

1st b.s

2nd s.l.

3rd c.t.

m.o.t.y

1st j.p.

2nd c.t.

3rd n.g

brackets

1st s.l.
2nd j.p.
3rd n.g.

thanks for bringing your a game j.p and n.g.

lasting more than four hours

get

your picks in. 

brackets close tomorrow at 

9am                                             pdt

too obvious

 

two scoops

to moty mayhem link

bank shot

after writing about street art in dogtown, i discovered banksy. no one knows who he is, but i’m sure im not him. i appreciate his art as well as his sense of humor. and the irony of street art leading to vandalism (in the form of cutting the stucco off a the side of a building to steal his works and sell it on ebay) makes me like it that much more. probably not what he had in mind when he did his graffiti removal piece. on the other hand, i applaud him for finally getting that old eye soar tanker

on pch removed. i liked it banksyfied. it

 reminded me of the oil

pumps painted to look like animals. too bad

he didn’t get a cut from the highest bidder. 
not that he needs it.

those who saw the movie while i dealt with the flakey babysitter felt like they were had.

there was more talk about bonus points. im thinking field trip. send in a picture with you beside a banksy original wearing your moty t-shirt for an extra point. or if he infiltrates your top march madness pick you’ll get an extra point too.

now if i could just figure out the tabs/margins on the darn blog... 

march madness selection sunday is march 13.

the stick and stein has closed their doors so

we’re still working on the pop a shot portion.

any suggestions

more info from n.g. and j.p. soon

man enough

this is just a starter list.  i'm sure it will evolve over the course of the season

talking smack to your moty crew yes – dropping the f-bomb in your academy acceptance speech no
t-moble chick yes - verizon ‘hear me know’ guy no
tax write off and padding my man fund yes – give you ‘reject butts’ free sh-aht no
15 guys bringing it to k1 speed and leaving it all on the track yes - leaving a little o negative on the wall at turn three hell yes
wave garden yes – wave pool no
listing agent yes – reo department no
punk rock bowl yes – black light bowl no
moty math yes – exact science no
amanda knox yes- silvio berlusconi no – well maybe... his meter maid stunt was pretty funny
information flow yes – info stockpile no
laptop yes – tablet no (i’m holding out for the hologram. even better glasses {preferably not the granny shades})
blue ray yes - hddvd no (unless it’s streaming to my i-arnettes)
bloody race track yes – blood on the highway no
tons of emails giving me this great material yes - saying nothing no
bringing extra beer yes - pit stop for more beer at kmart between heats yes
a 19 year old beer trophy yes - 18 year old jameson oh yes
chuck yeager yes – chuck sheen no (except if he is all hopped up on s.k.)

i'll try my best to keep you abreast of all things manly

k1 points:
c.k. 5pts
d.f. 4pts
s.m. 3 pts
discretionary points:
j.s. for being a mad man.  the break is the one of the left.
m.w. for not keeping your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times
r.b. for bringing the hurt

keep the pedal to the metal randy!

next up – march madness and pop a shot. or slam dunk contest? we could bring a tramp and lower the rim.  n.g. and j.p. will be getting you more info soon.

i’ll stand on my head

what’s up with advertisers these days. as technologies evolve, computer generated imagery pushes further and 3dimensional commercials are right around the corner, you’d think so would the viewer’s desire for better. so the 30 second/million dollar question is – how can monkeys driving and a fist pumping beaver (did i say that) still sell products. if that is the case, then bring back howdy doody {oh wait... they did that with eminem}.

i realize the super bowl is an event for the whole family. i am not pushing for more risque ads (the amount of scantly clad hot chicks is just about right). i’m advocating for our children. we owe it to them to develop their wit and set forth a foundation for a bona fide sense of humor. someday we will be watching their advisements. please steer them away from the cal worthington mind set.
(i am probably the last guy to have any say when it comes to selling tires or energy drinks or anything. i stopped watching survivor after we chose richard hatch.)

the points are updated. congrats to c.k. and one for f.g. for making it happen. 

for me – just some sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so you can rest medicine and box of nose in need deserves puffs indeed.

word play

i feel like i’ve been doggin my bloggin this year. i’d like to say i’ve been busy. maybe spreading myself too thin is more appropriate. probably more accurate is simply unfocused. i’ve been up to a little bit of everything as well as a whole lot of nothing. i have been gone a lot, but not so far gone that i don’t know the other definition of “dogging”. so i’m definitely not dogging anybody.

i did find time to read about three new breeds of dogs. interesting that the first line about the xoloitzcuintli says, “ it is an old mexican breed”. so why’d they list it... my answer to that would be identical to my explanation of what is going on in egypt.

i do know there is some potential for captions to these protest picts any takers



who ever smelt it

 

whooa double rainbow



whaaat?

it's all in the back swing

i will try to keep you informed and up to date regarding all facts that might be useless.

r.b. is in charge of february’s go-kart event. k1 speed in torrance, sunday feb 27th, 4pm.  please rsvp to him and he should be able to answer all of your questions. i’m going to try to do two posts per month. one for the invite and one for the outcome.

not talking sushi

the california roll. we all do it. the act of not making a full and complete stop where as the vehicles forward motion ceases and the suspension releases. yep, that's me.  the kicker is; i was on my street. the whole thing went down right in front of my house. and you know how the gundo p.d. rolls- count’em one, two, three cops surrounding me with their lights flashing.  just as my wife and kids walk out the door heading off to school.

you’d think having your seven year old run up, throw her arms around you and plead to officer one, "dont arrest my daddy.” might work to my advantage. how about my conversation with officer two about his extreme home makeover experience. maybe knowing the show’s construction consultant is one thing, but being friends with paige the pink tool belt chick should earn me a free pass or at least a stern warning. nope. ‘sign here’ is all i got.

my driving record for the past 12 months: accident, ticket, accident, accident, ticket. not bad for a guy who drives around ten thousand miles a year.

next up go kart racing.

the konami code

nope. doesn’t mean anything to me. for me it began with pong and for the most part it ended with donkey kong. i know the trick with the straw for free credits on the arcade game, but that’s about it. i’ve never put on a headset and played a pov shooter game with different gamers in far away places. we have wii, but the only games played in our house are sing it, just dance and wipeout.

the ataris took it a little further beyond their name,
they have a song titled
“up up down down left right left right b a start” which is a cheater code that unlocks features in many video games.

i don’t know about that, but i do appreciate the chorus, “sometimes you gotta stop and remember. that your not gonna be young forever. think smart, have fun, stay true and don't ever grow up.”

high scorers:

1st pn

2nd jb
3rd sl

discretionary points:
sk for talking smack
sm for trusting the crew
td gets an ice pack point for an unscheduled neck surgery

do the deux

growing up in the valley required some creativity when it came to going out. the yard didn't card, the bartenders at weber’s typically turned a blind eye, a friends older brother tended bar at los toros back when it was a hole in wall. and if all else failed, the winnetka drive in was a great back up plan. "yes sir. just one please. i’m... ah... meeting some friends {none of whom are in the trunk right now}". one time, after some technical difficulties acquiring beer and boones farm, we ended up with two twelvers of jolt cola. bottom line is several cans of highly caffeinated soda doesn’t really affect you until you try to go to sleep. the other side effect of consuming large quantities of an outrageously sugary beverage was waking up with a huge zit the next day. should'a just stayed in.

january’s event is moty dew. since we’re borrowing their logo, i thought we'd utilize their website for our first event. go to mtn dew.com games. play three card moty and email the crew a screen shot of your score. i’ll explain tie breakers if need be.  you have 24 hours to get your score in.

not an easy read

guess what i got for christmas? no, not the g.i. joe action frogman set with bowie knife and dynamite depth charge. it was a book. i tried to read it, twice, but both times i ended up sawing logs. not to give away the ending, but that was best part.

thanks to all who contributed. well timed! it got me thinking about next year.

(you may be asking yourself, did he just do a blog post about his own blog posts...yep)

wrap it up

the scores are up. we have our winner.

congratulations j.b.!

well played!

to surmise:

a dozen main events

a bunch of great guys

sixty four random posts

over 900 follow up/reminder emails

an incalculable amount of drinks

and a whole lot of good times

wrap off results

f.g. 1st place 53.5

j.p. 2nd place 55.4

a.l. 3rd place 56.4 seconds

it has been an honor and a privilege

four thirty three

a slew of uk artists got together to record 4-33 as a protest piece to compete against simon cowell’s x factor for england’s number one christmas single. a few of the artists  performing are billy bragg, pete doherty, heaven 17, the kooks and suggs & chas smash from madness.

john cage originally composed this piece in 1952. the score instructs the performers to not play their instruments during the entire four minute and thrity three second duration. the piece is actually meant to consist of the sounds of the environment that the listeners hear while it is being performed.

as we set out in search of a very moty christmas house, this was the first song we listened to.  because i thought we were going to see a bunch of dark houses.

some of the judges comments:
"turn on some music" j$, "it' is on.  this song is called 433" sm " turn on something else" ty
“that’s a ten” and “how do you spell john” ty
“now that’s a ten” j$ “is there an eleven” ty
“now that’s an eleven” j$ “can there be a one hundred and eleven” ty
“that’s not the real frosty” j$ “the real frosty would totally melt” ty
“it’s not very bright” ty, “he’s only seven” j$ not shane! al!!” ty
“how do you spell jeff” ty “j-e-f-f, efff, efff not four f’s just two” j$
“that’s what our house would look like if it was on this street” j$ “F.F. only two f’s” “don’t touch me” j$
“cool surfing santa” j$ and “get off me” ty
“daddy jamesy hit me” ty and “yep and i’ll do it again if you don’t stay on your side” j$
“are those reindeer or just regular deer” ty and “that comment deserves nother hit” j$
“can we get mcdonald’s” j$ “whats a mcrib?” ty

b.t. first place
m.c. second place
m.w. third place
discretionary point goes to j.b. for the ice pack on the nutcracker

the sky is falling

that’s not true, but scientists have determined that the sun is going to run out of fuel. apparently, the sun a middle aged star that could be cast on the next surreal life. at least it survived those notorious child star years without a horrendous car accident, drug overdose, eating disorder or awful parent/manager issue. so get you christmas lights up now (you only have 5 billion years)! i’d rethink those high efficacy strands r.b.

saga architecture this saturday: essay is out. holiday shot is in.

where'en

see that… i just mashed up the where and when. trance, house or techno aren’t my thing, but i’ve been digging the mash-ups. so for the holidays, i’ve been putting together a little christmas playlist. possible title tisthson. it still needs some work.

came across this site it’s worth a listen, but if you don’t have the time just do the 2009 side. if you’re still not going to do it just check out tracks 12 and 13.

here’s the deal, get a toy, bring wrapping paper, tape and a bow to the office at 3pm on dec 11th. to keep it fair, i’ll bring a few of the same size boxes to wrap. the toys for donation have to remain unwrapped. i’ve been thinking about throwing some christmas trivia (no that’s played out) – how’s about an essay – just kidding.

tis the season

i was at sector nine today comparing the stewart fartknocker to the mccoy nugget (a completely different story for another time), when i heard this kid say to his mom, “i don’t give a crap.” i turned to both him and his mother and said, “that one is definitely better to give than receive.” she glared at me as she took his arm and pulled him away. eh… clean up in isle four.

it came out of my mouth before i had a chance to really think about what i said. i believe this to be true, and after the weekend that i have had, i feel it is time to put my money where my mouth is (and im not talking sh_t).

in the spirit of the holidays, december’s event will be two fold. first, you will have until the 10th to get your house decorated clark griswold style so light’em up boys! i will be out that weekend with a my esteemed panel of judges grading you on creativity and presentation. please let me know if you will not be participating in this event for obvious reasons. the second will be a gift wrapping competition for speed and accuracy. please bring an unwrapped toy, some wrapping paper, tape and a bow to top it off – still working on the where and when.

a little more about the giving. i would like to donate the toys we bring to choc in sean’s honor.

always the good ones

with a heavy heart i must share the loss of one of our own.
sean kelly was one of three men killed in a small plane crash on sunday. he is and forever will be a man of the year in my book. he will always be remembered as a husband, friend, surfer, skier and the twenty-ten moty chili cook off winner. he was the inspiration to the shine on post. an all around great guy who is already tremendously missed.
rip s.k.

in the gutter

surfing the interweb and came across die antwoord. a rav rap act straight outa cape town. the name translates to 'the answer'  but to what.?. they’re signed to interscope, well so was roscoe dash. i watched this whole video. when it was over, i just sat quietly stunned for a several seconds. then i watched this interview. i chuckled at their idiocracsy, but mostly i just shook my head the entire time. are they for real? vanilla ice reincarnated, yo-landi with her bettie bangs (or a rare femullet {i do find her oddly attractive}) and without coming across too insensate i have to mention dj botha. it’s got to be a joke, right.  not any worse than the bowling turnout.

points were updated per j.b.’s score - thanks ice pack!
as the holidays fast approach, who is up for a christmas decorate-off? best exterior, national lampoon style, gets points. you’re going to do it anyway.  don't forget to spread some cheer!!!

up in smoke

every once in a while, i go through a reggae phase. i’m speaking from a musical playlist prospective. a little reggae always brightens my day. it usually comes about during the summer time when we are spending more time out doors. it often coincided with some sort of vacation or at least a bonfire. typically, there is a group of people involved. this time is different in that i’ve been held up in the office - slammed with paperwork. i guess i'm trying to stay positive.  so as a private service announcement, i am offering my 19 reasons why proposition 19 failed:
1. real hippies don’t vote
2. or want their stash commercialized
3. it was filled with more holes and inconsistencies than crystals and purple hairs
4. the stoners couldn’t get motivated enough to get off the couch
5. so the under twenty one contingency can still get it easily
6. the right already has their meds
7. the war next door is too good for the economy
8. at $100 a pop - pot possession fines can really add up
9. ja rule, puff-daddy and snoop dog’s posses didn’t equate to an additional 9%
10. there is no “party” in tea party
11. the girl scouts pot brownie would knock the thin mints off their all time top favorite list
19. hemp v cotton

ok. i couldn’t come up with 19.  i wish they called it prop 4 {i know there are at least four keepers up there [and back in ’09 prop 4 had something to do with a joint]}. well, i don’t have a staff of writers or the time or any real interest politically or otherwise - i just need a final head count for bowling

fall back

i got my first skateboard when i was five years old.  i remember this because i fell and knocked out my front tooth. i still have the bridge with a false tooth on it. my kids think it is pretty cool.

at some point, each has separately put it in her mouth – gross. i found skateboarding again at the age of 11. i remember this because my friend got caught with stolen property. you could call it trespassing and grand thief… we called it hoping a fence and taking rejected decks, trucks and wheels from veriflex’s dumpster. i had been there many times, but i wasn’t there the day of the shopping cart. there was no arrest or fine or anything like that. he just had to return the stuff they found. eventually, all the moms talked and i too had to return my stuff. i remember this because it was humiliating. i skated my first pool when i was thirteen. anthony’s pools went out of business and left behind three empty pools on their lot. i remember this because it was my puddle of blood that left the stain in the plaster right next to the drain. not too long ago, in my dad’s garage, i found one of the fruits of my dumpster diving days. a veriflex ten deck.

i remember this because we used to soak warped decks in water and try to get them to dry flatter (there was no concave or double tail kicks in those days). over twenty years have passed since i’ve skated any pools or ramps. this time i thought i’d be more responsible. i bought pads and helmet and a pass to the cove. i thought i was just a little rusty, until a kid pulls some sort of kick flip fakey in the clover
bowl. i’m ok backside, but on my frontside grinds need a lot of work. and i’ll remember that the next time i sit down. do they make a pad for your ass, or am i ready for depends

bowling saturday and remember - we all fall back sunday night. don’t forget to set your clocks

crazy angelinos

i saw a couple of those lakers car window flags flying today.  it was nothing compared to what i saw traveling to and from santa barabra over the weekend. the first was kind of a head turner probably a neverland ranch ebay sale. the other can only be explained in words (sorry no pictures). stuck in rain soaked traffic on the 101 my wife and i could just barely make out the pornographic video on the  screen of the car in front of us. [talk about shutting the kids up with a video...]. normally, i would be swerving and weaving, jockeying for position “making up for lost time on the road”, but for some reason i was content in the second to the fast lane. {it was reminiscent of trying to watch scrambled playboy channel on my folks ON tv}.

as the lakers begin their quest for a third consecutive championship. i thought i would throw out some of my own portmanteaus pat riley style:

th-reecurrence
three-plicate
trepionship
tripionship
tripliship
trip rings

if you’ve got one, share it. i’ll throw in a point for best entry
if you trademark it and sell t-shirts come june.

thought you might also find it interesting that the laker rookies devin ebanks and derrick caracter earn a combined salary commensurate to mr. rizzo’s. did i say earn.?. where do i get me an official city of bell jersey?

due to safety concerns the november event is going to be bowling.

a butterfly flaps its wings in copiapo

and earl ends up licking beer off the patio floor in the gundo.  i think it is safe to say i have had my fill of chili for a while…  no more chili con fussion, troversy, sternation, spiracy or petition (yep that's pushing it).  please hold the cur and quer as well. 

i'm not exactly sure what we are going to call it.  bfd has a good ring.  no matter, it was all so damn good.  i sure could have used some tums.

here is how the points boiled over:

s.k. 1st place

r.b. 2nd place

f.g. 3rd place

discretionary points:
p.n. coordinators choice for best chili

a.l. coordinator point

j.b. pulls off an 'ice pack' point. second month in a row!

b.t and j.w. we gave you a half-show point for bringing chili. you’ll get the other half when you leave your twelve pack at my side gate (don’t worry about a.l.  he has got plenty of leftovers)

bon appetit al

chilean miners or chili and minors

you may not know how much i enjoy a good argument every now and again.  to begin, i must admit, i started this one. i did a corp search and found this guy, let's call him dick, asking if he would be interested in my domain. let's call it idon't.com.  come to find out he is some big shot, oscar award winning director – whatever, the pta gave me the founders day award once and i wasn’t even trying.

truth be told, i could very well be in the wrong, but unless he serves up some hot legal action, i’m keeping it. honestly, i would have let it go had dick not got all agro. so after a few weeks of 'go-rounds'  i spammed the dick. then, a year later, i found this in my junk folder. (see below)

well, no deal dick. it’s mine! plus i never got the check!! he probably realized a) being a dick sucks so he’s has to change his name. b) his wife's legal legs aren't so hot. c) a way to a man's domain is through your wallet. d) my dad could totally kick dicks dad's ass.
it doesn't matter anyway– i drew my line in the 'sand'.

note: this is my dragnet story, "only the facts have been changed to protect the innocent"

turn in your beer selection by friday and start soaking your beans.

man is not gauged on athleticism alone

while standing on ardmore with the masses, there is a lot of small talk. some about how hard they’ve trained and others how hard they partied the night before. it’s usually nothing worth while. but it’s better than listening to music. the energy picks up as the star spangled banner yet waived. then a few quick stretches, the gun goes off and the herd slowly pushes towards to the start line. this is when i start scoping out the crowd to find me a pace person. someone i may be able to keep up with during the next six point two miles.

as we cross the start line i spot some talent. a pony tail with a nice… er ah runners legs that look to be about a 8+ minute mile and well worth tailing (or at least trying). as we made the second turn the pack thinned. the pace was not what i hoped, but i hadn’t trained plus it was a very inspiring view. at about the same time i realized she was with shirtless, spray tan guy that i dubbed mr manhattan. he was many years her senior and waiving at everyone. and after listening for many blocks i learned several unimpressive yet important facts about him. the best was the extensive laser process to remove the hair from his golden orange back. hey, he was sharing with us (ok her – i was eves running). i would have stayed to hear more {this guy could certainly go on about himself for an hour}, but i wanted to finish the race, a beer at hennesseys and be home before mr manhattan tells ponytail about his audi tt. when i witnessed him recklessly swerve across the street (i was certain he was doing a little crop dusting), and throw double shakas at one of  the race cameramen i knew i should have brought an ipod.

 

the next event is the chili cook off and beer taste challenge. saturday, october 16th 3pm. bring your finest ready to serve in an unmarked glad or ziploc 64 oz container, and a twelve pack of beer -your choice. to avoid duplicates, please email me the beer you plan to bring. first reply gets it. you will be graded by your peers in a blind taste test for both.

wild in the streets

that was wild!

after grading tests, discussing the finer points of pulling pints, shooting shots and evil tattoo art on a young girls arm we decided it was time to hit the road. this is all fine and good as long as you’re not a) drunk. b) madd. c) driving. d) going too far.

“A drunk driver is thirteen times more likely to cause an accident than a sober one. In the United States, more than 30 percent of all fatal crashes involve at least one driver who has been drinking. During the late-night hours, when alcohol use is greatest, that proportion rises to nearly 60 percent. Overall, 1 of every 140 miles is driving drunk, or 21 billion miles each year.”

that said, you’d assume it would be safer to walk right? well let’s examine these statistics.
“Each year more than 1,000 drunk pedestrians die in traffic accidents. Compared with the total number of people killed in alcohol-related traffic accidents each year--about 13,000--the number of drunk pedestrians is relatively small. But when you're choosing whether to walk or drive, the overall number isn't what counts. Here's the relevant question: on a per-mile basis, is it more dangerous to walk drunk than drive drunk? The average American walks about a half-mile per day outside the home or workplace. There are some 237 million Americans sixteen and older; all told, that's 43 billion miles walked each year by people of driving age. If we assume that 1 of every 140 of those miles are walked drunk--the same proportion of miles that are driven drunk--then 307 million miles are walked drunk each year.” – levitt and dubner

doing this math, you'll find that on a per-mile basis, the drunk walker is eight times more likely to get killed than a drunk driver.

j.d. summary:
We successfully made it through 5 of the 7 scheduled stops – short two stops only due to logistical reasons, not through a lack of consumption or a willingness to consume. Most of us downed at least 7 beers, two shots of Jagermeister and one shot of Jameson. According to my calculations that should have put most of us over the legal limit with a manly blood alcohol content of approximately .155%. No wonder that last round of 4th Grade math questions were seemingly so difficult. In the end only half of the group was able to correctly do long division (some clearly with the aid of an iPhone or other calculator), 40% were able to do simple multiplication, .16% (that would be two people in all) could multiply out a simple exponent, 33% could do addition, and only .16% (two people) could count how many beers they had throughout the evening.

here's how the points staggered out:

1st place df (aka master of all games that involve drinking)
2nd place fg  (aka the only master of his faculties while drinking)
3rd place jb (aka beer chug master)

discretionary points:

j.b. but you can call him 'ice pack'
s.m. nicknaming our waitresses barbie and skullie
j.d  a well deserved coordinator point

way to go! john d

philly phan or ayesoo ayeshole

while refereeing a game this past weekend, i had to stop and shoot my most evil stinkeye at a parent. it wasn’t for throwing snowballs, bottles or batteries. there was no fight in the 700 section, and it was no player v. spectator brawl. i just don’t get cheering a career ending injury, booing players let alone draft picks. lucky for her, it wasn’t directed at santa claus. hey lady, did you see the shiner on this fan that vomuked on the police chief’s daughter? maybe she didn’t, but the cop who tasered this guy in center field sure did. shud up and stay off my field.

did i mention it was a g-u6 game.?.

ayso nation!!

the pub crawl is scheduled for saturday, september 25th at 3pm.
bring something to write with, walking shoes and your thinking cap. you’ll get the rest of the details when you arrive.

moty wins the lotty

if you’ve been reading any of these you may remember the post about earthquakes, and what happened?.. then there was the one about sharks and low and behold check this out!

             trey                    sparky                    nostradumbass

so if you’re still with me; i propose a lotto pool (because after golf i could use a little luck {and some moty-lenol}).  second thought, that would require some organization.  just go out now and buy a ticket!  if we don’t here back from you - i want a cut.

here is how golf laid up:

n.g. 1st
p.n. 2nd
j.w. 3rd
m.w. longest drive
s.l. closets to the pin

go raibh maith agat frank