lasting more than four hours

get

your picks in. 

brackets close tomorrow at 

9am                                             pdt

too obvious

 

two scoops

to moty mayhem link

bank shot

after writing about street art in dogtown, i discovered banksy. no one knows who he is, but i’m sure im not him. i appreciate his art as well as his sense of humor. and the irony of street art leading to vandalism (in the form of cutting the stucco off a the side of a building to steal his works and sell it on ebay) makes me like it that much more. probably not what he had in mind when he did his graffiti removal piece. on the other hand, i applaud him for finally getting that old eye soar tanker

on pch removed. i liked it banksyfied. it

 reminded me of the oil

pumps painted to look like animals. too bad

he didn’t get a cut from the highest bidder. 
not that he needs it.

those who saw the movie while i dealt with the flakey babysitter felt like they were had.

there was more talk about bonus points. im thinking field trip. send in a picture with you beside a banksy original wearing your moty t-shirt for an extra point. or if he infiltrates your top march madness pick you’ll get an extra point too.

now if i could just figure out the tabs/margins on the darn blog... 

march madness selection sunday is march 13.

the stick and stein has closed their doors so

we’re still working on the pop a shot portion.

any suggestions

more info from n.g. and j.p. soon

man enough

this is just a starter list.  i'm sure it will evolve over the course of the season

talking smack to your moty crew yes – dropping the f-bomb in your academy acceptance speech no
t-moble chick yes - verizon ‘hear me know’ guy no
tax write off and padding my man fund yes – give you ‘reject butts’ free sh-aht no
15 guys bringing it to k1 speed and leaving it all on the track yes - leaving a little o negative on the wall at turn three hell yes
wave garden yes – wave pool no
listing agent yes – reo department no
punk rock bowl yes – black light bowl no
moty math yes – exact science no
amanda knox yes- silvio berlusconi no – well maybe... his meter maid stunt was pretty funny
information flow yes – info stockpile no
laptop yes – tablet no (i’m holding out for the hologram. even better glasses {preferably not the granny shades})
blue ray yes - hddvd no (unless it’s streaming to my i-arnettes)
bloody race track yes – blood on the highway no
tons of emails giving me this great material yes - saying nothing no
bringing extra beer yes - pit stop for more beer at kmart between heats yes
a 19 year old beer trophy yes - 18 year old jameson oh yes
chuck yeager yes – chuck sheen no (except if he is all hopped up on s.k.)

i'll try my best to keep you abreast of all things manly

k1 points:
c.k. 5pts
d.f. 4pts
s.m. 3 pts
discretionary points:
j.s. for being a mad man.  the break is the one of the left.
m.w. for not keeping your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times
r.b. for bringing the hurt

keep the pedal to the metal randy!

next up – march madness and pop a shot. or slam dunk contest? we could bring a tramp and lower the rim.  n.g. and j.p. will be getting you more info soon.

i’ll stand on my head

what’s up with advertisers these days. as technologies evolve, computer generated imagery pushes further and 3dimensional commercials are right around the corner, you’d think so would the viewer’s desire for better. so the 30 second/million dollar question is – how can monkeys driving and a fist pumping beaver (did i say that) still sell products. if that is the case, then bring back howdy doody {oh wait... they did that with eminem}.

i realize the super bowl is an event for the whole family. i am not pushing for more risque ads (the amount of scantly clad hot chicks is just about right). i’m advocating for our children. we owe it to them to develop their wit and set forth a foundation for a bona fide sense of humor. someday we will be watching their advisements. please steer them away from the cal worthington mind set.
(i am probably the last guy to have any say when it comes to selling tires or energy drinks or anything. i stopped watching survivor after we chose richard hatch.)

the points are updated. congrats to c.k. and one for f.g. for making it happen. 

for me – just some sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so you can rest medicine and box of nose in need deserves puffs indeed.

word play

i feel like i’ve been doggin my bloggin this year. i’d like to say i’ve been busy. maybe spreading myself too thin is more appropriate. probably more accurate is simply unfocused. i’ve been up to a little bit of everything as well as a whole lot of nothing. i have been gone a lot, but not so far gone that i don’t know the other definition of “dogging”. so i’m definitely not dogging anybody.

i did find time to read about three new breeds of dogs. interesting that the first line about the xoloitzcuintli says, “ it is an old mexican breed”. so why’d they list it... my answer to that would be identical to my explanation of what is going on in egypt.

i do know there is some potential for captions to these protest picts any takers



who ever smelt it

 

whooa double rainbow



whaaat?

it's all in the back swing

i will try to keep you informed and up to date regarding all facts that might be useless.

r.b. is in charge of february’s go-kart event. k1 speed in torrance, sunday feb 27th, 4pm.  please rsvp to him and he should be able to answer all of your questions. i’m going to try to do two posts per month. one for the invite and one for the outcome.

not talking sushi

the california roll. we all do it. the act of not making a full and complete stop where as the vehicles forward motion ceases and the suspension releases. yep, that's me.  the kicker is; i was on my street. the whole thing went down right in front of my house. and you know how the gundo p.d. rolls- count’em one, two, three cops surrounding me with their lights flashing.  just as my wife and kids walk out the door heading off to school.

you’d think having your seven year old run up, throw her arms around you and plead to officer one, "dont arrest my daddy.” might work to my advantage. how about my conversation with officer two about his extreme home makeover experience. maybe knowing the show’s construction consultant is one thing, but being friends with paige the pink tool belt chick should earn me a free pass or at least a stern warning. nope. ‘sign here’ is all i got.

my driving record for the past 12 months: accident, ticket, accident, accident, ticket. not bad for a guy who drives around ten thousand miles a year.

next up go kart racing.

the konami code

nope. doesn’t mean anything to me. for me it began with pong and for the most part it ended with donkey kong. i know the trick with the straw for free credits on the arcade game, but that’s about it. i’ve never put on a headset and played a pov shooter game with different gamers in far away places. we have wii, but the only games played in our house are sing it, just dance and wipeout.

the ataris took it a little further beyond their name,
they have a song titled
“up up down down left right left right b a start” which is a cheater code that unlocks features in many video games.

i don’t know about that, but i do appreciate the chorus, “sometimes you gotta stop and remember. that your not gonna be young forever. think smart, have fun, stay true and don't ever grow up.”

high scorers:

1st pn

2nd jb
3rd sl

discretionary points:
sk for talking smack
sm for trusting the crew
td gets an ice pack point for an unscheduled neck surgery

do the deux

growing up in the valley required some creativity when it came to going out. the yard didn't card, the bartenders at weber’s typically turned a blind eye, a friends older brother tended bar at los toros back when it was a hole in wall. and if all else failed, the winnetka drive in was a great back up plan. "yes sir. just one please. i’m... ah... meeting some friends {none of whom are in the trunk right now}". one time, after some technical difficulties acquiring beer and boones farm, we ended up with two twelvers of jolt cola. bottom line is several cans of highly caffeinated soda doesn’t really affect you until you try to go to sleep. the other side effect of consuming large quantities of an outrageously sugary beverage was waking up with a huge zit the next day. should'a just stayed in.

january’s event is moty dew. since we’re borrowing their logo, i thought we'd utilize their website for our first event. go to mtn dew.com games. play three card moty and email the crew a screen shot of your score. i’ll explain tie breakers if need be.  you have 24 hours to get your score in.

not an easy read

guess what i got for christmas? no, not the g.i. joe action frogman set with bowie knife and dynamite depth charge. it was a book. i tried to read it, twice, but both times i ended up sawing logs. not to give away the ending, but that was best part.

thanks to all who contributed. well timed! it got me thinking about next year.

(you may be asking yourself, did he just do a blog post about his own blog posts...yep)

wrap it up

the scores are up. we have our winner.

congratulations j.b.!

well played!

to surmise:

a dozen main events

a bunch of great guys

sixty four random posts

over 900 follow up/reminder emails

an incalculable amount of drinks

and a whole lot of good times

wrap off results

f.g. 1st place 53.5

j.p. 2nd place 55.4

a.l. 3rd place 56.4 seconds

it has been an honor and a privilege

four thirty three

a slew of uk artists got together to record 4-33 as a protest piece to compete against simon cowell’s x factor for england’s number one christmas single. a few of the artists  performing are billy bragg, pete doherty, heaven 17, the kooks and suggs & chas smash from madness.

john cage originally composed this piece in 1952. the score instructs the performers to not play their instruments during the entire four minute and thrity three second duration. the piece is actually meant to consist of the sounds of the environment that the listeners hear while it is being performed.

as we set out in search of a very moty christmas house, this was the first song we listened to.  because i thought we were going to see a bunch of dark houses.

some of the judges comments:
"turn on some music" j$, "it' is on.  this song is called 433" sm " turn on something else" ty
“that’s a ten” and “how do you spell john” ty
“now that’s a ten” j$ “is there an eleven” ty
“now that’s an eleven” j$ “can there be a one hundred and eleven” ty
“that’s not the real frosty” j$ “the real frosty would totally melt” ty
“it’s not very bright” ty, “he’s only seven” j$ not shane! al!!” ty
“how do you spell jeff” ty “j-e-f-f, efff, efff not four f’s just two” j$
“that’s what our house would look like if it was on this street” j$ “F.F. only two f’s” “don’t touch me” j$
“cool surfing santa” j$ and “get off me” ty
“daddy jamesy hit me” ty and “yep and i’ll do it again if you don’t stay on your side” j$
“are those reindeer or just regular deer” ty and “that comment deserves nother hit” j$
“can we get mcdonald’s” j$ “whats a mcrib?” ty

b.t. first place
m.c. second place
m.w. third place
discretionary point goes to j.b. for the ice pack on the nutcracker

the sky is falling

that’s not true, but scientists have determined that the sun is going to run out of fuel. apparently, the sun a middle aged star that could be cast on the next surreal life. at least it survived those notorious child star years without a horrendous car accident, drug overdose, eating disorder or awful parent/manager issue. so get you christmas lights up now (you only have 5 billion years)! i’d rethink those high efficacy strands r.b.

saga architecture this saturday: essay is out. holiday shot is in.

where'en

see that… i just mashed up the where and when. trance, house or techno aren’t my thing, but i’ve been digging the mash-ups. so for the holidays, i’ve been putting together a little christmas playlist. possible title tisthson. it still needs some work.

came across this site it’s worth a listen, but if you don’t have the time just do the 2009 side. if you’re still not going to do it just check out tracks 12 and 13.

here’s the deal, get a toy, bring wrapping paper, tape and a bow to the office at 3pm on dec 11th. to keep it fair, i’ll bring a few of the same size boxes to wrap. the toys for donation have to remain unwrapped. i’ve been thinking about throwing some christmas trivia (no that’s played out) – how’s about an essay – just kidding.

tis the season

i was at sector nine today comparing the stewart fartknocker to the mccoy nugget (a completely different story for another time), when i heard this kid say to his mom, “i don’t give a crap.” i turned to both him and his mother and said, “that one is definitely better to give than receive.” she glared at me as she took his arm and pulled him away. eh… clean up in isle four.

it came out of my mouth before i had a chance to really think about what i said. i believe this to be true, and after the weekend that i have had, i feel it is time to put my money where my mouth is (and im not talking sh_t).

in the spirit of the holidays, december’s event will be two fold. first, you will have until the 10th to get your house decorated clark griswold style so light’em up boys! i will be out that weekend with a my esteemed panel of judges grading you on creativity and presentation. please let me know if you will not be participating in this event for obvious reasons. the second will be a gift wrapping competition for speed and accuracy. please bring an unwrapped toy, some wrapping paper, tape and a bow to top it off – still working on the where and when.

a little more about the giving. i would like to donate the toys we bring to choc in sean’s honor.

always the good ones

with a heavy heart i must share the loss of one of our own.
sean kelly was one of three men killed in a small plane crash on sunday. he is and forever will be a man of the year in my book. he will always be remembered as a husband, friend, surfer, skier and the twenty-ten moty chili cook off winner. he was the inspiration to the shine on post. an all around great guy who is already tremendously missed.
rip s.k.

in the gutter

surfing the interweb and came across die antwoord. a rav rap act straight outa cape town. the name translates to 'the answer'  but to what.?. they’re signed to interscope, well so was roscoe dash. i watched this whole video. when it was over, i just sat quietly stunned for a several seconds. then i watched this interview. i chuckled at their idiocracsy, but mostly i just shook my head the entire time. are they for real? vanilla ice reincarnated, yo-landi with her bettie bangs (or a rare femullet {i do find her oddly attractive}) and without coming across too insensate i have to mention dj botha. it’s got to be a joke, right.  not any worse than the bowling turnout.

points were updated per j.b.’s score - thanks ice pack!
as the holidays fast approach, who is up for a christmas decorate-off? best exterior, national lampoon style, gets points. you’re going to do it anyway.  don't forget to spread some cheer!!!

up in smoke

every once in a while, i go through a reggae phase. i’m speaking from a musical playlist prospective. a little reggae always brightens my day. it usually comes about during the summer time when we are spending more time out doors. it often coincided with some sort of vacation or at least a bonfire. typically, there is a group of people involved. this time is different in that i’ve been held up in the office - slammed with paperwork. i guess i'm trying to stay positive.  so as a private service announcement, i am offering my 19 reasons why proposition 19 failed:
1. real hippies don’t vote
2. or want their stash commercialized
3. it was filled with more holes and inconsistencies than crystals and purple hairs
4. the stoners couldn’t get motivated enough to get off the couch
5. so the under twenty one contingency can still get it easily
6. the right already has their meds
7. the war next door is too good for the economy
8. at $100 a pop - pot possession fines can really add up
9. ja rule, puff-daddy and snoop dog’s posses didn’t equate to an additional 9%
10. there is no “party” in tea party
11. the girl scouts pot brownie would knock the thin mints off their all time top favorite list
19. hemp v cotton

ok. i couldn’t come up with 19.  i wish they called it prop 4 {i know there are at least four keepers up there [and back in ’09 prop 4 had something to do with a joint]}. well, i don’t have a staff of writers or the time or any real interest politically or otherwise - i just need a final head count for bowling

fall back

i got my first skateboard when i was five years old.  i remember this because i fell and knocked out my front tooth. i still have the bridge with a false tooth on it. my kids think it is pretty cool.

at some point, each has separately put it in her mouth – gross. i found skateboarding again at the age of 11. i remember this because my friend got caught with stolen property. you could call it trespassing and grand thief… we called it hoping a fence and taking rejected decks, trucks and wheels from veriflex’s dumpster. i had been there many times, but i wasn’t there the day of the shopping cart. there was no arrest or fine or anything like that. he just had to return the stuff they found. eventually, all the moms talked and i too had to return my stuff. i remember this because it was humiliating. i skated my first pool when i was thirteen. anthony’s pools went out of business and left behind three empty pools on their lot. i remember this because it was my puddle of blood that left the stain in the plaster right next to the drain. not too long ago, in my dad’s garage, i found one of the fruits of my dumpster diving days. a veriflex ten deck.

i remember this because we used to soak warped decks in water and try to get them to dry flatter (there was no concave or double tail kicks in those days). over twenty years have passed since i’ve skated any pools or ramps. this time i thought i’d be more responsible. i bought pads and helmet and a pass to the cove. i thought i was just a little rusty, until a kid pulls some sort of kick flip fakey in the clover
bowl. i’m ok backside, but on my frontside grinds need a lot of work. and i’ll remember that the next time i sit down. do they make a pad for your ass, or am i ready for depends

bowling saturday and remember - we all fall back sunday night. don’t forget to set your clocks

crazy angelinos

i saw a couple of those lakers car window flags flying today.  it was nothing compared to what i saw traveling to and from santa barabra over the weekend. the first was kind of a head turner probably a neverland ranch ebay sale. the other can only be explained in words (sorry no pictures). stuck in rain soaked traffic on the 101 my wife and i could just barely make out the pornographic video on the  screen of the car in front of us. [talk about shutting the kids up with a video...]. normally, i would be swerving and weaving, jockeying for position “making up for lost time on the road”, but for some reason i was content in the second to the fast lane. {it was reminiscent of trying to watch scrambled playboy channel on my folks ON tv}.

as the lakers begin their quest for a third consecutive championship. i thought i would throw out some of my own portmanteaus pat riley style:

th-reecurrence
three-plicate
trepionship
tripionship
tripliship
trip rings

if you’ve got one, share it. i’ll throw in a point for best entry
if you trademark it and sell t-shirts come june.

thought you might also find it interesting that the laker rookies devin ebanks and derrick caracter earn a combined salary commensurate to mr. rizzo’s. did i say earn.?. where do i get me an official city of bell jersey?

due to safety concerns the november event is going to be bowling.

a butterfly flaps its wings in copiapo

and earl ends up licking beer off the patio floor in the gundo.  i think it is safe to say i have had my fill of chili for a while…  no more chili con fussion, troversy, sternation, spiracy or petition (yep that's pushing it).  please hold the cur and quer as well. 

i'm not exactly sure what we are going to call it.  bfd has a good ring.  no matter, it was all so damn good.  i sure could have used some tums.

here is how the points boiled over:

s.k. 1st place

r.b. 2nd place

f.g. 3rd place

discretionary points:
p.n. coordinators choice for best chili

a.l. coordinator point

j.b. pulls off an 'ice pack' point. second month in a row!

b.t and j.w. we gave you a half-show point for bringing chili. you’ll get the other half when you leave your twelve pack at my side gate (don’t worry about a.l.  he has got plenty of leftovers)

bon appetit al

chilean miners or chili and minors

you may not know how much i enjoy a good argument every now and again.  to begin, i must admit, i started this one. i did a corp search and found this guy, let's call him dick, asking if he would be interested in my domain. let's call it idon't.com.  come to find out he is some big shot, oscar award winning director – whatever, the pta gave me the founders day award once and i wasn’t even trying.

truth be told, i could very well be in the wrong, but unless he serves up some hot legal action, i’m keeping it. honestly, i would have let it go had dick not got all agro. so after a few weeks of 'go-rounds'  i spammed the dick. then, a year later, i found this in my junk folder. (see below)

well, no deal dick. it’s mine! plus i never got the check!! he probably realized a) being a dick sucks so he’s has to change his name. b) his wife's legal legs aren't so hot. c) a way to a man's domain is through your wallet. d) my dad could totally kick dicks dad's ass.
it doesn't matter anyway– i drew my line in the 'sand'.

note: this is my dragnet story, "only the facts have been changed to protect the innocent"

turn in your beer selection by friday and start soaking your beans.

man is not gauged on athleticism alone

while standing on ardmore with the masses, there is a lot of small talk. some about how hard they’ve trained and others how hard they partied the night before. it’s usually nothing worth while. but it’s better than listening to music. the energy picks up as the star spangled banner yet waived. then a few quick stretches, the gun goes off and the herd slowly pushes towards to the start line. this is when i start scoping out the crowd to find me a pace person. someone i may be able to keep up with during the next six point two miles.

as we cross the start line i spot some talent. a pony tail with a nice… er ah runners legs that look to be about a 8+ minute mile and well worth tailing (or at least trying). as we made the second turn the pack thinned. the pace was not what i hoped, but i hadn’t trained plus it was a very inspiring view. at about the same time i realized she was with shirtless, spray tan guy that i dubbed mr manhattan. he was many years her senior and waiving at everyone. and after listening for many blocks i learned several unimpressive yet important facts about him. the best was the extensive laser process to remove the hair from his golden orange back. hey, he was sharing with us (ok her – i was eves running). i would have stayed to hear more {this guy could certainly go on about himself for an hour}, but i wanted to finish the race, a beer at hennesseys and be home before mr manhattan tells ponytail about his audi tt. when i witnessed him recklessly swerve across the street (i was certain he was doing a little crop dusting), and throw double shakas at one of  the race cameramen i knew i should have brought an ipod.

 

the next event is the chili cook off and beer taste challenge. saturday, october 16th 3pm. bring your finest ready to serve in an unmarked glad or ziploc 64 oz container, and a twelve pack of beer -your choice. to avoid duplicates, please email me the beer you plan to bring. first reply gets it. you will be graded by your peers in a blind taste test for both.

wild in the streets

that was wild!

after grading tests, discussing the finer points of pulling pints, shooting shots and evil tattoo art on a young girls arm we decided it was time to hit the road. this is all fine and good as long as you’re not a) drunk. b) madd. c) driving. d) going too far.

“A drunk driver is thirteen times more likely to cause an accident than a sober one. In the United States, more than 30 percent of all fatal crashes involve at least one driver who has been drinking. During the late-night hours, when alcohol use is greatest, that proportion rises to nearly 60 percent. Overall, 1 of every 140 miles is driving drunk, or 21 billion miles each year.”

that said, you’d assume it would be safer to walk right? well let’s examine these statistics.
“Each year more than 1,000 drunk pedestrians die in traffic accidents. Compared with the total number of people killed in alcohol-related traffic accidents each year--about 13,000--the number of drunk pedestrians is relatively small. But when you're choosing whether to walk or drive, the overall number isn't what counts. Here's the relevant question: on a per-mile basis, is it more dangerous to walk drunk than drive drunk? The average American walks about a half-mile per day outside the home or workplace. There are some 237 million Americans sixteen and older; all told, that's 43 billion miles walked each year by people of driving age. If we assume that 1 of every 140 of those miles are walked drunk--the same proportion of miles that are driven drunk--then 307 million miles are walked drunk each year.” – levitt and dubner

doing this math, you'll find that on a per-mile basis, the drunk walker is eight times more likely to get killed than a drunk driver.

j.d. summary:
We successfully made it through 5 of the 7 scheduled stops – short two stops only due to logistical reasons, not through a lack of consumption or a willingness to consume. Most of us downed at least 7 beers, two shots of Jagermeister and one shot of Jameson. According to my calculations that should have put most of us over the legal limit with a manly blood alcohol content of approximately .155%. No wonder that last round of 4th Grade math questions were seemingly so difficult. In the end only half of the group was able to correctly do long division (some clearly with the aid of an iPhone or other calculator), 40% were able to do simple multiplication, .16% (that would be two people in all) could multiply out a simple exponent, 33% could do addition, and only .16% (two people) could count how many beers they had throughout the evening.

here's how the points staggered out:

1st place df (aka master of all games that involve drinking)
2nd place fg  (aka the only master of his faculties while drinking)
3rd place jb (aka beer chug master)

discretionary points:

j.b. but you can call him 'ice pack'
s.m. nicknaming our waitresses barbie and skullie
j.d  a well deserved coordinator point

way to go! john d

philly phan or ayesoo ayeshole

while refereeing a game this past weekend, i had to stop and shoot my most evil stinkeye at a parent. it wasn’t for throwing snowballs, bottles or batteries. there was no fight in the 700 section, and it was no player v. spectator brawl. i just don’t get cheering a career ending injury, booing players let alone draft picks. lucky for her, it wasn’t directed at santa claus. hey lady, did you see the shiner on this fan that vomuked on the police chief’s daughter? maybe she didn’t, but the cop who tasered this guy in center field sure did. shud up and stay off my field.

did i mention it was a g-u6 game.?.

ayso nation!!

the pub crawl is scheduled for saturday, september 25th at 3pm.
bring something to write with, walking shoes and your thinking cap. you’ll get the rest of the details when you arrive.

moty wins the lotty

if you’ve been reading any of these you may remember the post about earthquakes, and what happened?.. then there was the one about sharks and low and behold check this out!

             trey                    sparky                    nostradumbass

so if you’re still with me; i propose a lotto pool (because after golf i could use a little luck {and some moty-lenol}).  second thought, that would require some organization.  just go out now and buy a ticket!  if we don’t here back from you - i want a cut.

here is how golf laid up:

n.g. 1st
p.n. 2nd
j.w. 3rd
m.w. longest drive
s.l. closets to the pin

go raibh maith agat frank

casting your shadow on the social networking green

it took a fair amount of urging before i joined facebook (the terms friended and poked were somewhat intriguing {as well as "syn syn/ack ack" which i am almost certain is a snowboarding trick}). i eventually signed up, logged in and even posted some pictures. it was fun at first. then it just became another neglected email account. f-book etiquette has always been a concern. avoid too many solo cup pictures, don't include your kids names with their photos and monitor your older kids accounts (thank god i’m not there yet – i can’t even monitor my own) – basically, stay on the cart path. i've probably typed twenty things in that status box. then just before hitting send the thought - who really cares that shawn is contemplating the phrase the edge of the universe - delete.

i used to said i only check my account while getting my oil changed, but now it includes the doctor's office waiting room, the airport and in line at the dmv. i’m not much of a wall poster because there is no way to cover your divots. i don’t think i have any good fail stories, my most awkward f-book moment would be accepting a friend request from a deceased person. here are some really embarrassing ones www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/08/the-funniest-facebook-sna_n_383847.html#s55567 .

with a lot of and about links

there have been a lot more new old school tags poping up in dogtown. it got me thinking about the old pacific ocean park and how this area of santa monica and venice has developed since abbot kinney began long ago. through all of it’s twists and turns, i’d say it probably isn’t far from mr. kinney’s original vision.

in the 1950's lick pier started to make it’s transformation into a 28 acre nautically themed amusement park called pacific ocean park.  but poor management, arduous maintenance, falling attendance and a few mysterious fires led to it’s demise. in the late sixties the ruins became a hang out for the local kids. the remaining pylons were in the shape of ‘u’ and created a somewhat secluded surf spot known as the cove.     it was a very localized and dangerous place.  today, the only remaining evidence is a few signs warning   beach goers of objects beneath the surface.  from that wreckage the infamous zephyr crew was born.  they brought with them a cutting edge hardcore vibe that still has a presence in surfing and skating today.

this is the dogtown these marking are commemorating. i hope it’s just that samo high is out on summer break.  or pray lords of dogtown might be playing at the leammle. unfortunately, i think it is related to horizons west closing it’s doors. i hope the building hasn’t lost its landmark status. r.i.p. abott?

the golf event is planned for saturday, august 28th at the lakes of el segundo around 3pm. we need a headcount by the 19th to book the tee time.

i woke up in the middle of the night in a panic

while digging thru the trash with a flashlight, i remembered there was photographic evidence.

rest assured my friends – there is a ‘g’ in the top left package!

i had a few epiphanies standing outside in my underwear

• a hot dog without fillers, preservatives and nitrates isn’t a hot dog
• there is no way one can eat that poorly and not feel like crap
• any way you mix it, absinthe is still gross. it’s not the way to synesthesia.
• you can wrap real bacon around a veggie dog, but don’t bother wrapping turkey bacon or ‘fakon’ around a real dog.
• the truly remarkable aspect of swedish ingenuity comes after the initial furniture design. the breakdown for packaging and shipping, industrial design of parts for assembly and not one single word in the instruction manual (not like we’d read it anyway)

here is how the points were mechanically separated, stuffed into a cellulose like plastic casing and chemically cured

go cart racing
d.f. 1st place
j.b. 2nd place
c,k. 3rd place

all hot dog eating contestants were awarded two points for their intestinal fortitude

discretionary points
j.d. 2 pts for driving like a mad man and doing the surfboard shlep
f.g. 1 pt for winning the chip challenge
if i had any discretionary points to give, i’d give them all to my HOTY for all of her effort. thanks babe

honesty or absentee

have you heard about this social experiment going on? honest tea has set out to see how honest we are as a nation. they have been setting up a kiosks in major cities with their organic beverages, an unattended cash jar and hidden cameras to observe. if you want a drink – you’re on your honor to pay. i, personally, would be too uncomfortable to make my own change. so without exact cash i would refrain altogether.

today they are at the santa monica pier and venice boardwalk. knowing about the cameras has to be a flaw of this experiment and undoubtedly skews the results. i wonder if enough people paid five bucks for a drink; would l.a. get an honesty rating over 100%. (just thinking it doesn't make me dishonest {i'll go with devious}).

i think lucid should do the same experiment with absinthe (call it absinthea). how honest would you be if you there were shots of a very powerful, once banned and supposedly hallucinogenic, wormwood-laced concoction for a dollar. the hidden cameras would only make it more interesting. what would hemmingway, picasso or mona do?

beach bum

the term has never really sat well with me. i know carl at surfrider. jingles and the boyos at the venice pier, and angelo from bay street. he sometimes sleeps in the parking structure at my office. i don’t think they are bad people (as long as they are lucid). i get the complexities of homelessness, so i try to be understanding (even if the small campfire {in an enclosed parking area!} gets a little out of hand). i work in santa monica so i see first hand what pan handling really affords. i regularly offer some food or bottled water when i get hit up for spare change. i have sprung for forties before (dogtown surfer style) mostly because of the sincerity of the request. i even included a lotto ticket once because everyone needs some hope. if you’re gonna be a bum; you might as well be at the beach. there are public showers, restrooms and plenty of benches - at least they are one outta three… unless you are in ocean beach. they have a new slogan going around

personally, i thought they complemented the surfers, artists, hippys, bikers, tweakers and feral cats pretty well down there. it is such a cool, laid back, little beach town you’d think they could all “coexist” better. i’ve always liked their “keep o.b. funky” slogan.

i’m heading down there for a birthday party on this saturday. i’ll pick you up a sticker if you want one

the event is next saturday, july 17th
the go kart portion is at K1 again at 11:45 am. for more details please refer back to
gentlemen start your engines post

then we have bbq areas 3 – 6 reserved at rec park from 1 to 6pm. bring the whole family! we will do the hot dawg eating there. we will play picnic games like bocce, bags etc. if there is a game you want to play post or email it so we can stay somewhat organized. we can compete against the kids or women, as family teams or whatever.

happy birthday america

the fourth of july weekend came and went. flags were flying. the beach was be packed. the hermosa ironman went down (and i assume some beer came back up). street closures and permitted block parties made getting through town a lot of fun. illegal firecrackers were heard throughout the day. the smell of barbecues filled the air and then fireworks lit up the night sky. americans consumed over 150 million hot dogs this fourth of july {oddly the wiener came to us by way of germany}. it's all pretty interesting how we celebrate our independence.

there was some commotion at the world famous nathan's contest. there was taunting, smack talking, rushing the stage and an arrest. i didn’t know there was so much drama in competitive eating. i didn’t even know there was an international federation, let alone a major league eating organization. apparently, there is a bit of a feud between joey ‘jaws’ chestnut and ‘the tsunami’ kobayashi. and due to some contractual issue kobi didn't get to complete. so much for freedom to binge. upon his release he said he was hungry and wanted to eat some hot dogs. next fourth i'm going to coney island and set up a stand to sell "waNgyOu nathans" all kobe beef dogs.  how do you think shump burgers would sell?

in honor of our independence, july's moty event is a hot dog eating and because so many of you have asked to do the go kart racing again, we thought it would be a good idea to combine the two. we'll call it "racing for pinks"! it sounds totally manly {more so than racing for der weinersnizle}. and to be on the safe side we’ll race first and eat second.

the rules:

• consume as many hot dogs and buns as you can in 10 minutes. 
• whatever type of dog you prefer - all beef {really all..?} turkey or veggie will count too. no cocktail weenies.
• condiments are permitted
• any beverage to help you along the way is allowed
• no reversal of fortune for 10 additional minutes (get'em down is one thing - keeping them down is another)
• the most hot dogs downed is the wiener!

this is a b.y.o. event. i'll bring a cooler and a grill. the rest is up to you. we could tailgate it in the parking lot or come back to town for a picnic in the park with our families. maybe we can bring out the pitching machine, bocce balls, lawn darts and turn it into a moty decathlon. we may need some more volunteers.

it will be on saturday, july 17th.  we are going to need a head count so please reply.

i hope you all had a great father's day

bill cosby wrote, “any man who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.” this advice (dated even by 1986 standards) from his book fatherhood, has always stuck with me. to this day, i still struggle trying to switch gears on my drive home {which more precisely translates to my walk from the car to the door}. my advice is to not take any work related calls right before you walk in the door. another piece of advice i’ll contribute (from a dad who is the only person in his household that pees standing up) is try to have everyone put the toilet seat down (and clean) when they're done – that way everyone starts in the same situation. teach by example… more importantly by repetition because we’re still working on it.

we all know that being the man of the house can be hard work. i don’t know about you, but i seem to be in charge of clogged plumbing, the trash, yard work and pet clean up. basically all of the sh_t jobs. so in the spirit of father’s day, i thought i would throw out a moty point for the best fatherly advice. whether it be how you get out of it or get it done quickly or easily; whatever works for you. if you’re thinking call a plumber, hire a gardener to come the day before the garbage truck and trade in the thirty pound blob cat with gastrointestinal problems for a pet rock - we are on the same page. if you say have a boy you’re too late.

my interpretation of mr. cosby’s words on father’s day ‘return from the beach, adirondack chair in the sun, get my own beer and do absolutely nothing’

here is how the poker points were dealt:
1st j.b. 5 pts
2nd n.g.4 pts
3rd c.k. 3 pts

discretionary points:
j.w.  following the lead of past coordinators taking one for himself
d.f.  having the smelliest cigar
s.m  trying to fill in as dealer long enough for joe to take a leak

and to round out the group:
a.l.
j.s.
m.c.
m.w.
p.n.
j.d. show point

thanks joe

july's event info to follow.

don’t play poker with central american authors

the deal: a very long time ago i wrote a few children’s books. the first in a trilogy was titled the boy in search of yesterday. it is, perceptibly, about a boy trying to relive his yesterday. in the process he learns to appreciate his present and look forward to his future.

the flop: recently, i received a link to an interesting book. this book is in spanish, but the title translates to the boy who searched for yesterday, and the artwork on the cover is nearly identical (in content) to a page in my book.

the turn: i need to obtain a copy of her book because just the title and the concept are somewhat typical (one can not copyright a song about breaking up because there are a million of them). well mine has a rhyme scheme. i don’t know if it could duplicated en enspanol. i ordered a copy of her version, so we’ll just wait and see.

the river: i registered my story with the u.s. copyright office. she was born and raised in central america, lived and studied in the united states for a period, but currently resides in nicaragua. she did copyright several works from 1981 to 1996 in the united states, but her yesterday story is not registered.

i bet if i call her bluff – i’d surely win half of nothing. i’ve seen enough gucci and nike rip offs in mexico, to know intellectual property is worthless.

i fold

card shark

there has been a lot of talk about great white sharks just off our coast. last year well known surf photog randy wright caught a good sequence shot of one breaching at a local point break. and it seems that sightings are up according to the shark research committee site. it is the ocean… they are fish… you didn’t think you were actually alone out there. i guess shark experts originally considered the top feeders coastal, and migrated to open ocean to feed. but now they consider them open ocean sharks that come to the coast. over a three year period, researchers tagged 22 great whites and tracked them. they found there was substantially less food at their open water feeding grounds. so they’re hungry. that explains it.  the odds of being killed by a shark are 1 in 280 million.  the odds of being killed in an auto accident are 1 in 6,700.  the odds of me winning a poker tournement has to be somewhere in between the two.

typically i try not to eat shark dinner, watch shark movies, smoke shark cigars, drink shark beer or play no limit texas hold’em at richmond bar and grill with them. unless it’s a $30 buy in (20 poker 10 pitchers and appetizers) 3pm

it’s on the patio – feel free to bring stogies

i like drab blue

have you seen them… l.a. county lifeguard towers have been getting a facelift. during the whole month of may i made bi-weekly treks up to ventura doing a little family job. pch is a very familiar stretch for me. not much changes along this 27 miles of scenic beauty, except the towers. i watched the railings and planks get painted bright red, yellow, green and blue. all that driving gave me plenty of time to ponder the county’s game plan. was it some sort of nod to miami. or maybe del taco was donating some upkeep, saving our cash strapped state and getting some free advertising in the process.

then yesterday while stealing a little me time, i saw the final step in the process. they were installing panels over the exterior. it read “summer of color”. a quick search revealed that it is the portraits of hope project. when complete some 100 guard towers will be painted to become the largest public art project in the u.s.

i’m all for humanitarian endeavors, cool art and keeping our beaches beautiful, but i would have commissioned patchie to put a little more ‘stoke’ into it. check out his stuff here too. he gets it. {yep – nobody asked me}

memorial weekend is here! in my mind that means summer time!! the date for poker has changed to June 19th. more details soon.

ever have a lame song stuck in your head

and you can't stop singing it.
that’s how i feel about the lost finale. days have passed and i’m still milling it over in my mind. hello my name is shawn and i am a lostaholic.

they were dead. it was purgatory. i think. i thought we thought that from the beginning? the writers were lost and it took them six seasons {time i'll never get back} to come clean. what about hurly’s numbers, ben and witmore’s rules, the dude in jacob’s cabin, why was the island under water (in a flash which-way), dharma initiative in the seventies, walt and the bird, or elloise hawkins? was there even an island when newheart woke up. i think i got the seinfeld-esque scene with the cast in the jail cell. but, as the plane flew off there was no ‘goodbye’ spelled out in the sand (ala mash). i would have settled for ‘sucker’.

i blogged it {that must mean i’ve hit bottom} if there is a spin off – it better be survivor lost island.

here’s how the music event played out:
1st m.c. 5pts
2nd j.s. 4pts +1 discretionary schwag point for oldest ticket stub and coolest poster
3rd m.b. 3pts
4th r.b. 1pts +1 with a bullet point
a.l. 1 pts + 1 discretionary schwag point for coolest ticket stub
s.m. 1 pts +1 discretionary schwag point for album cover and vintage t-shirt
d.f. 1 pt
j.b. 1 pt
j.d. 1 pt
j.p. 1 pt
p.n. 1 pt

you rock jeff!

off the richter

there have been a lot of earthquakes in so cal lately. if you check out the latest usgs map, you’ll see california looks like a hasbro lightbright board. in fact, there were 24 earthquakes 3.5 or greater in the past thirty days. i may have felt a few or at least i’ve heard about them on the news. they say, “it’s not a matter of if, but when.” dr.lucy from cal tech is always on the news right after any trembler big enough (or on a slow news day) to make the airwaves explaining up thrust or plate slippage. along with a bunch of telephone interviews of random people showing videos of their chandelier swaying or pool sloshing. every one of them exaggerating what they experienced. i am not prepared. no flash light (with batteries), fresh water (other than whatever is left in the last arrowhead case we bought), or transistor radio (do they even make them anymore). we’ve got some canned goods, an extra tank of propane and my camping gear that is just collecting dust in storage. i don’t even know if any of my items are on the preparedness list, but it makes me feel safe.

scientists say they can not predict earthquakes. i’m no scientist, but based on the tectnonic data i’ve complied (in the ten minutes i’ve spent on this post), calculating seismic activity, depths and trajectories. incorporating the median responses from my magic eight ball divisible by the radius of pi and the square root of ouija board answers indivisible with liberty and justice for all… i’m going to go out on a limb and predict the high probability of a large magnitude quake on saturday, may 23rd at 3pm. the epicenter will be at vinny’s pizza on franklin and main.

hey ho let's go to vinny's

thirty plus years ago four guys in leather jackets and torn jeans stepped out on the stage at cbgb’s and "1.2.3.4" changed music forever. today, the ramones are considered one of the most influential bands in rock and roll history. spin magazine ranked them as the second greatest band of all time just after the beatles. it has been said that the band's first four albums set the blueprint for punk rock and american hardcore. 3 cords, 21 albums and 2263 shows later their sound and style live on forever. fast loud and catchy says it all.

speaking of style- i may be pushing it but check out some ramone-a-likes

 skinny jean ramone

emo ramone

  

        howy ramone

ronson ramone

carrot ramone

if you listen to this song backwards you will clearly hear, "get your moty questions to jeff."

moty may event

when - sat, 22 may, 3-6 pm
where - the patio, el segundo
what - music trivia and related discussion

format - mc responsibilities will rotate among the group. mc will ask a round of questions drawn randomly from a deck of music "trivial pursuit" cards. each round will conclude with a bonus music-related question. running scores will be posted at the end of each round. we play as many rounds as there are participants. top 3 overall scores get moty points, everyone else gets participation points. discretionary points will be awarded by the event coordinator (js). criteria for discretionary points includes (must bring these to the event):

- best vintage concert t-shirt
- oldest concert ticket stub
- best album cover
- best music poster

note - bonus questions can be a little more open-ended and subjective. they're designed to elicit between-round discussion and break up the monotony of drinking beer. examples might include things like:

- if you could go back it time, what show would you see?
- what is the best show you ever saw? why?

we're asking participants to submit ideas for bonus questions prior to the event. send them to js. you will be allowed to answer your own question so submitting them increases your chances of being asked a question where you actually know the answer.

see ya then!

a mother’s day haiku

amazing woman
juggle family and friends
with the greatest ease

cuddle with the kids
kisses make it all better
selflessly you give

you follow my thoughts
as if they could be your own
offbeat as they are

the house will be clean
the fridg will be full and the
flowers are for you

celebrate the moms in your life, because without them we couldn't be dads.

con orgullo

in honor of cino de mayo we queued up a little latin music. i made tacos for dinner and my wife and i drank five coronita’s. my reasoning for the meal was, well, the ground beef expired yesterday (don’t tell her about that. she strongly believes there is no wiggle room to that ‘use by' date). and the 7oz coronas just happen to be because she inadvertently bought them a while ago and we had a lime.   tomorrow, my intension to commemorate the historical significance of mexico’s victory over the french at the battle of puebla in 1862. some, in the latino community, object to weto marketers spending millions to reinvent the day turning it into a drinking holiday, which further perpetuates an already damaged cultural stereotype.

{hold up… what about st. patrick’s day and the irish? or halloween and kids (of legal drinking age of course)?? and the fourth of july with all americans??? and then there’s new years eve and the entire world???? – stop the bus. i’m getting off.}  i'll remember by day and fiesta at night.  who’s up for some el tarasco or panchos? i haven’t had a dirty maggie for a while

next event: MUSIC is scheduled for may 23rd. details to follow

they don't make 'em like they used to

knocked the bonnet off it...

so it came down to the future “pharmaceutical” dealer delivering the goods to all the i.v. keggers or the eventual “lead” footed architect in his sports car hauling through holland. i must say it was very close, but the point has to go to the prick.

thanks for the stories

hey batta batta sa-wing

my first car was a 1964 volkswagon squareback. factory sun roof with an aftermarket leak. it was the eighties, so i had to lower it for the look. 135’s in the front with positive camber in the rear for that squatty stance. added dual exhaust to improve that v-dub purr, converted it to 12 volt for the alpine stereo cassette deck, installed a hurst shifter with the trigger lock for safety (hindsight i should have had the e-break fixed), put on roof racks for functionality and covered the rear seat with a mexican blanket.

i thought i was cool. so cool that i didn’t need to change the oil.
only right now are the similarities of driving and baseball becoming apparent. between parallel and park, hit and run, distance and accuracy, eyes on the ball/road, throwing a ball or a rod… {until now, i wasn’t even sure i’d be able to tie the two together.}

train of thought - if you’re still with me: the title reminded me of ferris bueller’s day off which was right around the time i started driving. coupled with a recent conversation about first cars and since i typically open a little wordy... i thought i’d rattle on for a bit and while i may still have your attention.

here’s how the baseball event played out
hitting
n.g. 1st
j.b 2nd
t.d. 3rd

throwing
d.f. 1st
n.g. 2nd
s.m 3rd

scoring
n.g. 1st 5pts
d.f. 2nd 4pts +1 discretionary point for bring beer and coordinating the event
j.b. 3rd 3pts
s.m 4th 1pt + 1 discretionary point for placing in an event
t.d. 4th 1pt + 1 discretionary point for placing in an event
a.l. 5th 1pt
j.s. 5th 1pt
f.g. 5th 1pt
p.n. 5th 1pt
j.w. 5th 1pt

cheers david