i hope you all had a great father's day

bill cosby wrote, “any man who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.” this advice (dated even by 1986 standards) from his book fatherhood, has always stuck with me. to this day, i still struggle trying to switch gears on my drive home {which more precisely translates to my walk from the car to the door}. my advice is to not take any work related calls right before you walk in the door. another piece of advice i’ll contribute (from a dad who is the only person in his household that pees standing up) is try to have everyone put the toilet seat down (and clean) when they're done – that way everyone starts in the same situation. teach by example… more importantly by repetition because we’re still working on it.

we all know that being the man of the house can be hard work. i don’t know about you, but i seem to be in charge of clogged plumbing, the trash, yard work and pet clean up. basically all of the sh_t jobs. so in the spirit of father’s day, i thought i would throw out a moty point for the best fatherly advice. whether it be how you get out of it or get it done quickly or easily; whatever works for you. if you’re thinking call a plumber, hire a gardener to come the day before the garbage truck and trade in the thirty pound blob cat with gastrointestinal problems for a pet rock - we are on the same page. if you say have a boy you’re too late.

my interpretation of mr. cosby’s words on father’s day ‘return from the beach, adirondack chair in the sun, get my own beer and do absolutely nothing’

here is how the poker points were dealt:
1st j.b. 5 pts
2nd n.g.4 pts
3rd c.k. 3 pts

discretionary points:
j.w.  following the lead of past coordinators taking one for himself
d.f.  having the smelliest cigar
s.m  trying to fill in as dealer long enough for joe to take a leak

and to round out the group:
a.l.
j.s.
m.c.
m.w.
p.n.
j.d. show point

thanks joe

july's event info to follow.

don’t play poker with central american authors

the deal: a very long time ago i wrote a few children’s books. the first in a trilogy was titled the boy in search of yesterday. it is, perceptibly, about a boy trying to relive his yesterday. in the process he learns to appreciate his present and look forward to his future.

the flop: recently, i received a link to an interesting book. this book is in spanish, but the title translates to the boy who searched for yesterday, and the artwork on the cover is nearly identical (in content) to a page in my book.

the turn: i need to obtain a copy of her book because just the title and the concept are somewhat typical (one can not copyright a song about breaking up because there are a million of them). well mine has a rhyme scheme. i don’t know if it could duplicated en enspanol. i ordered a copy of her version, so we’ll just wait and see.

the river: i registered my story with the u.s. copyright office. she was born and raised in central america, lived and studied in the united states for a period, but currently resides in nicaragua. she did copyright several works from 1981 to 1996 in the united states, but her yesterday story is not registered.

i bet if i call her bluff – i’d surely win half of nothing. i’ve seen enough gucci and nike rip offs in mexico, to know intellectual property is worthless.

i fold

card shark

there has been a lot of talk about great white sharks just off our coast. last year well known surf photog randy wright caught a good sequence shot of one breaching at a local point break. and it seems that sightings are up according to the shark research committee site. it is the ocean… they are fish… you didn’t think you were actually alone out there. i guess shark experts originally considered the top feeders coastal, and migrated to open ocean to feed. but now they consider them open ocean sharks that come to the coast. over a three year period, researchers tagged 22 great whites and tracked them. they found there was substantially less food at their open water feeding grounds. so they’re hungry. that explains it.  the odds of being killed by a shark are 1 in 280 million.  the odds of being killed in an auto accident are 1 in 6,700.  the odds of me winning a poker tournement has to be somewhere in between the two.

typically i try not to eat shark dinner, watch shark movies, smoke shark cigars, drink shark beer or play no limit texas hold’em at richmond bar and grill with them. unless it’s a $30 buy in (20 poker 10 pitchers and appetizers) 3pm

it’s on the patio – feel free to bring stogies

i like drab blue

have you seen them… l.a. county lifeguard towers have been getting a facelift. during the whole month of may i made bi-weekly treks up to ventura doing a little family job. pch is a very familiar stretch for me. not much changes along this 27 miles of scenic beauty, except the towers. i watched the railings and planks get painted bright red, yellow, green and blue. all that driving gave me plenty of time to ponder the county’s game plan. was it some sort of nod to miami. or maybe del taco was donating some upkeep, saving our cash strapped state and getting some free advertising in the process.

then yesterday while stealing a little me time, i saw the final step in the process. they were installing panels over the exterior. it read “summer of color”. a quick search revealed that it is the portraits of hope project. when complete some 100 guard towers will be painted to become the largest public art project in the u.s.

i’m all for humanitarian endeavors, cool art and keeping our beaches beautiful, but i would have commissioned patchie to put a little more ‘stoke’ into it. check out his stuff here too. he gets it. {yep – nobody asked me}

memorial weekend is here! in my mind that means summer time!! the date for poker has changed to June 19th. more details soon.

ever have a lame song stuck in your head

and you can't stop singing it.
that’s how i feel about the lost finale. days have passed and i’m still milling it over in my mind. hello my name is shawn and i am a lostaholic.

they were dead. it was purgatory. i think. i thought we thought that from the beginning? the writers were lost and it took them six seasons {time i'll never get back} to come clean. what about hurly’s numbers, ben and witmore’s rules, the dude in jacob’s cabin, why was the island under water (in a flash which-way), dharma initiative in the seventies, walt and the bird, or elloise hawkins? was there even an island when newheart woke up. i think i got the seinfeld-esque scene with the cast in the jail cell. but, as the plane flew off there was no ‘goodbye’ spelled out in the sand (ala mash). i would have settled for ‘sucker’.

i blogged it {that must mean i’ve hit bottom} if there is a spin off – it better be survivor lost island.

here’s how the music event played out:
1st m.c. 5pts
2nd j.s. 4pts +1 discretionary schwag point for oldest ticket stub and coolest poster
3rd m.b. 3pts
4th r.b. 1pts +1 with a bullet point
a.l. 1 pts + 1 discretionary schwag point for coolest ticket stub
s.m. 1 pts +1 discretionary schwag point for album cover and vintage t-shirt
d.f. 1 pt
j.b. 1 pt
j.d. 1 pt
j.p. 1 pt
p.n. 1 pt

you rock jeff!

off the richter

there have been a lot of earthquakes in so cal lately. if you check out the latest usgs map, you’ll see california looks like a hasbro lightbright board. in fact, there were 24 earthquakes 3.5 or greater in the past thirty days. i may have felt a few or at least i’ve heard about them on the news. they say, “it’s not a matter of if, but when.” dr.lucy from cal tech is always on the news right after any trembler big enough (or on a slow news day) to make the airwaves explaining up thrust or plate slippage. along with a bunch of telephone interviews of random people showing videos of their chandelier swaying or pool sloshing. every one of them exaggerating what they experienced. i am not prepared. no flash light (with batteries), fresh water (other than whatever is left in the last arrowhead case we bought), or transistor radio (do they even make them anymore). we’ve got some canned goods, an extra tank of propane and my camping gear that is just collecting dust in storage. i don’t even know if any of my items are on the preparedness list, but it makes me feel safe.

scientists say they can not predict earthquakes. i’m no scientist, but based on the tectnonic data i’ve complied (in the ten minutes i’ve spent on this post), calculating seismic activity, depths and trajectories. incorporating the median responses from my magic eight ball divisible by the radius of pi and the square root of ouija board answers indivisible with liberty and justice for all… i’m going to go out on a limb and predict the high probability of a large magnitude quake on saturday, may 23rd at 3pm. the epicenter will be at vinny’s pizza on franklin and main.

hey ho let's go to vinny's

thirty plus years ago four guys in leather jackets and torn jeans stepped out on the stage at cbgb’s and "1.2.3.4" changed music forever. today, the ramones are considered one of the most influential bands in rock and roll history. spin magazine ranked them as the second greatest band of all time just after the beatles. it has been said that the band's first four albums set the blueprint for punk rock and american hardcore. 3 cords, 21 albums and 2263 shows later their sound and style live on forever. fast loud and catchy says it all.

speaking of style- i may be pushing it but check out some ramone-a-likes

 skinny jean ramone

emo ramone

  

        howy ramone

ronson ramone

carrot ramone

if you listen to this song backwards you will clearly hear, "get your moty questions to jeff."

moty may event

when - sat, 22 may, 3-6 pm
where - the patio, el segundo
what - music trivia and related discussion

format - mc responsibilities will rotate among the group. mc will ask a round of questions drawn randomly from a deck of music "trivial pursuit" cards. each round will conclude with a bonus music-related question. running scores will be posted at the end of each round. we play as many rounds as there are participants. top 3 overall scores get moty points, everyone else gets participation points. discretionary points will be awarded by the event coordinator (js). criteria for discretionary points includes (must bring these to the event):

- best vintage concert t-shirt
- oldest concert ticket stub
- best album cover
- best music poster

note - bonus questions can be a little more open-ended and subjective. they're designed to elicit between-round discussion and break up the monotony of drinking beer. examples might include things like:

- if you could go back it time, what show would you see?
- what is the best show you ever saw? why?

we're asking participants to submit ideas for bonus questions prior to the event. send them to js. you will be allowed to answer your own question so submitting them increases your chances of being asked a question where you actually know the answer.

see ya then!

a mother’s day haiku

amazing woman
juggle family and friends
with the greatest ease

cuddle with the kids
kisses make it all better
selflessly you give

you follow my thoughts
as if they could be your own
offbeat as they are

the house will be clean
the fridg will be full and the
flowers are for you

celebrate the moms in your life, because without them we couldn't be dads.

con orgullo

in honor of cino de mayo we queued up a little latin music. i made tacos for dinner and my wife and i drank five coronita’s. my reasoning for the meal was, well, the ground beef expired yesterday (don’t tell her about that. she strongly believes there is no wiggle room to that ‘use by' date). and the 7oz coronas just happen to be because she inadvertently bought them a while ago and we had a lime.   tomorrow, my intension to commemorate the historical significance of mexico’s victory over the french at the battle of puebla in 1862. some, in the latino community, object to weto marketers spending millions to reinvent the day turning it into a drinking holiday, which further perpetuates an already damaged cultural stereotype.

{hold up… what about st. patrick’s day and the irish? or halloween and kids (of legal drinking age of course)?? and the fourth of july with all americans??? and then there’s new years eve and the entire world???? – stop the bus. i’m getting off.}  i'll remember by day and fiesta at night.  who’s up for some el tarasco or panchos? i haven’t had a dirty maggie for a while

next event: MUSIC is scheduled for may 23rd. details to follow

they don't make 'em like they used to

knocked the bonnet off it...

so it came down to the future “pharmaceutical” dealer delivering the goods to all the i.v. keggers or the eventual “lead” footed architect in his sports car hauling through holland. i must say it was very close, but the point has to go to the prick.

thanks for the stories

hey batta batta sa-wing

my first car was a 1964 volkswagon squareback. factory sun roof with an aftermarket leak. it was the eighties, so i had to lower it for the look. 135’s in the front with positive camber in the rear for that squatty stance. added dual exhaust to improve that v-dub purr, converted it to 12 volt for the alpine stereo cassette deck, installed a hurst shifter with the trigger lock for safety (hindsight i should have had the e-break fixed), put on roof racks for functionality and covered the rear seat with a mexican blanket.

i thought i was cool. so cool that i didn’t need to change the oil.
only right now are the similarities of driving and baseball becoming apparent. between parallel and park, hit and run, distance and accuracy, eyes on the ball/road, throwing a ball or a rod… {until now, i wasn’t even sure i’d be able to tie the two together.}

train of thought - if you’re still with me: the title reminded me of ferris bueller’s day off which was right around the time i started driving. coupled with a recent conversation about first cars and since i typically open a little wordy... i thought i’d rattle on for a bit and while i may still have your attention.

here’s how the baseball event played out
hitting
n.g. 1st
j.b 2nd
t.d. 3rd

throwing
d.f. 1st
n.g. 2nd
s.m 3rd

scoring
n.g. 1st 5pts
d.f. 2nd 4pts +1 discretionary point for bring beer and coordinating the event
j.b. 3rd 3pts
s.m 4th 1pt + 1 discretionary point for placing in an event
t.d. 4th 1pt + 1 discretionary point for placing in an event
a.l. 5th 1pt
j.s. 5th 1pt
f.g. 5th 1pt
p.n. 5th 1pt
j.w. 5th 1pt

cheers david

i can't make this shtuff up

today i ordered a gordita, a chalupa, an enchrito, a tortada and an extra large ice tea (i was thirsty). right now i feel sicgusted. i need to take a shump. i really wish i could vomuke {or is it pukomit}.  do the fourthevent not the forthmeal.

this satruday: constitution park corner of palm and washington from 2 to 4 pm.

bring shoes to run in and a glove if you got one.

get’em while they’re hot

my incredibly talented wife put her awesome design skills to work once again and created this hip and cool t-shirt.

we would look somewhat ridiculous if we all showed up at our events wearing them (like pony boy and the greasers, danny and the t-birds or baseball furies from the warriors) {hopefully i didn’t just talk you out of one}. the cost is ten bucks you can give me the money at the next event and if you haven’t paid your initial 25 dollar entry fee – this is your reminder too. i’ve been told that if i get your responses quickly, there is a good chance she can get them for this saturday’s event. who wants one and what size?!

but that’s not all - if you order now, i’ll throw in the ‘moty weekend warrior survivor kit’ a fanny pack filled with moty ice packs, a weeks supply of mo-tylenol , a moty shoulder immobilizer with your initials embroidered on it and a note from dr. moty excusing you from all chick flick date night movies for one full year (moty batteries not included and action figures are sold separately.)

the baseball event is this coming saturday. details soon

goodbye porkpie

i need to pack, find vacation hat and try to tweak it back into a respectable shape. but first, a couple quick changes to the standings need to be addressed. next i have to workout my playlist… i’m thinking some cool, vacationy cover tunes. because nothing says holiday like warm, sunny songs you can sing-a-long to but just little different than you remember with a twist. this is what i got so far.

help me out?

holiday road - latex generation
come sail away - me first and the gimme gimmes
leaving on a jet plane - me frist and the gimme gimmes
one love - catch 22
good vibrations - the four bags
margaritaville - lung cookie
the boys of summer - the ataris
surfer girl - pat di nizio
surfer girl - homegrown (original)
soak up the sun - ron dante
three little birds - brendon urie
summer nights - less than jake
tequila - bad manners
nightswimming - dashboard confessional

spring break tips

i’ve been on a lot of spring break trips through high school and college (i wasn’t on the four year plan). palm springs, rosarito, catalina, mammoth, newport and lake tahoe to name a few. i thought i knew everything about spring break safety. from the basics: wear sunscreen, use a condom, never mix your alcohols, drink some water and don’t carry all your cash with you. beyond that i’ve learned: head down when performing a belly flop, sharpies stay at home, always wear a condom (you don’t want to bring home a souvenir that requires antibiotics), save your empty corona bottles and the cardboard case, don’t keep your wax in your beer cooler, ask for a room furthest from the lobby & closest to the pool, wingman doesn’t mean ‘fall on the grenade’, if you’re on a budget - hang on to that all you can eat salad bar plate from carls, four wheel drive doesn't mean no chains, make reservations before you go and the last boat leaves avalon at 7:30pm.

kids, these days, are living in a different world. don’t sign any waivers…wet t-shirt contests showing up on youtube (even worse caught on tape ala joe franis), don’t accept drinks from strangers or leave your drink unattended for fear of rohypnol, (speaking of drugs, definitely avoid ms-13 if you’re heading to any boarder towns). stay in close proximity to your friends (see wingman above), hide your tooth brush and should the situation arise, steer clear of the honor student from the netherlands.

march point run down
pool:  j.d. 1st, n.g. 2nd and a.l. 3rd
pop:  n.g. 1st, t.d. 2nd and p.n. 3rd
discretionary points go to d.f. for "beating me" and j.s & m.c. for an excused absence
thanks n.g.



have a great holiday and be safe

clowns don’t kill people. people kill people.

i’m not a big fan of fast food. it has a time and a place (usually really late and really drunk {i’d rather hit up the kettle!}). i’m also not a big fan of watchdog groups with their logical fallacies. who wants to tell c.a.i. that the clown is not real?  where can i find an insane clown posse fan

clowns make kids eat crap food.
ronald mcdonald is a clown.
therefore, ronald makes kids eat crap food.

i take my kids to mcdonalds. therefore, i am a clown

tomorrow at two o’clock

good luck to rb with wv and jd with du. there are some other interesting scenarios –what happened ck?

cheating on sandra

is that what we are calling it these days?.. why not cheating on elin? is it because she isn’t americas girl next door. could it be because it was too much a shocker. or is elin too much a victim. she’s a swinger! (i’m talking nine iron!!) to clarify, i’m not condoning any of this (perpetuating, definitely not condoning). four or sixteen, it only takes one (well actually two). so who would you say is worse tiger or jesse? it appears that one had more. one could loose more. both are loosers. and nobody wins.

how about adding the girls to this discussion. weren’t they lying and cheating too. what were their intentions? do the bimbs come out just to cash in? have they already worked out their percentages. tell me they didn’t know. they knew enough to wait till the iron was hot (or the oscar in hand), lawyered up and then came forward. are they addicted to love or money or fame. or just entitled to the idea of it all.

speaking of the fame and the fortune - i gotta toss gloria “the champion of women’s rights” allred into this mix. her newest clients seem to be mistresses. let’s make sure we call a spade a spade, a business woman a business woman and a whore a whore. how many guys has she screwed for money?

listen up anony… it has been said if you plan it they will come. hahaha! good luck. this is a tough crowd.

shine on

last night the family went out to support a friend who shaved his head to show solidarity for kids with cancer and to raise money for cancer research. it didn’t hurt that it was at the riviera in redondo. good food and the best margaritas in the south bay (yes... followed closely by pancho's dirty maggies). he raised over two grand and got a great haircut to boot! there were a few kojack type jokes (all in fun), but the real props go out to all the men, women and children shavees for the money they raised. it was super cool seeing the girls sitting in the front row with several children affected by cancer, each in different stages of their battles. my girls didn’t even realize who they were sitting with until a speaker invited the kids up. i loved seeing that it didn’t change their perspective. they went on laughing and enjoying the festivities with them. it did open the door to a bunch of questions on the way home. a topic i may have to research a bit before we pick it up again. if you’d like to learn more about the cause check out ttp://www.stbaldricks.org/events/mypage/eventid/46/eventyear/2010. 

i would attach his 'after picture' but in the spirit of anonymity →

make a donation while you’re there. i thought about getting all philanthropic and setting up moty "team buzz", but then i considered many of your hair dos (and don’ts) -  for some of us nature is already doing the job and for others it would be just another trip to the barber!

moty update: the pop a shot portion of the march event is still set for saturday, april 3rd. the time is 2pm.

can i get a head count (for stick and stein not a hair cut)

make sure to hug your kids and tell your wife you love her

and if you’re running on the beach - watch your back

makes me think of aint seen nothing yet by bachman turner overdrive

don’t forget your march madness picks because life is short and sometimes cruel. so get out there and do something you normally wouldn't do.

malt or mash

i am not really a big whiskey drinker. although, i treat myself to a jemmie every now and again. i say it has to do with the triple distilling process, but i don’t really have a clue. toffey flavors, hints of sherry and woody undertones… it gits me drunk. so with saint patrick's day fast approaching (and because of the overwhelmingly underwhelming response to my beer question) i’ve got to ask, what’ll it be - bourbon or whiskey?
or come up with a boo’d for st pattys day (see nov 29th post {and to make it interesting, i'll toss in two points for the winner}) submittals must be received by midnight march 13th and it must include the artwork.

march events:
ncaa pool
selection sunday is on march 14th and the bracket locks on march 18th
log on at  http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1
group id: 10968
password: eject

and

pop a shot at the stick and stein is april 3rd (it will be in the afternoon). 

please rsvp as a comment

some dip with that chip

hanging out and well into my second or third fishbowl at richmond street b and g, we came across a potato chip with an image on it that closely resembled an orca attacking a trainer… since that picture didn’t turn out i thought i’d attach this one.

if you weren’t there or even if you were; the slurried conversation quickly bounced from pitbull attacks, to the media’s responsibility. from the proper way to euthanize a killer whale, to the proper way to hold a 22 oz schooner and still look cool (not two handed – that’s for sure). from there it turned to all the different budwisers. obviously the czech version far surpasses the domestic or the inbev imported king of beers in flavor, but it was agreed that bud light is still hands down the quantity favorite.

much later and with a much clearer head, i decided to look in to all the bud variations.

in 1876 the red label bud was exclusively brewed with the choices hops and best barley. since then anheuser busch has introduced bud light, ice, dry, select, golden wheat, 55, american ale, bud lime, chelada, as well as light variations of the same. in 1983, i had my very first budwiser (coincidentally, that same year anheuser busch released bud light which i still keep in stock to this day). since then, i have tried an incalculable amount of different lagers, ales and specialty beers. lots of domestics, imports, micros and homebrews (and i have the gut to prove it). i’m a creature of habit so i have not tried all of the different bud versions, but now i may have to put that on my to do list. (i probably won't try the calmato one even though it comes as a light) {i don’t do it in my bloody marys either}. since we’ve established that i am somewhat of a glutton, i have to ask… which ones have you tried?

a quick heads up on the march event– march 14th is selection day, it is my understanding the pool can not open up until then, and it will lock on the 18th. i’m gonna go out right now and get a six pack of golden, bud, ice, dry, light, lime, 55 select and watch some basketball. {i may go online and check out some teams too.}

trading paint on the streets of the gundo

i do not benefit from the good drivers discount program. i, on the otherhand, have the maximum dmv points allotted and still enjoy the privilege to operate a motor vehicle in the state of california. boy do i pay that premium. further, i am currently involved in some accident litigation, but my insurance provider has instructed me to refrain from discussing the matter pending the final outcome (ask me about conduct unbecoming of an officer… and i’ll text you a retort {with a double double in one hand while thumbing through the play list in the other - obviously safely pulled over at the curb).

on the opposite end of this track, my better half is often heard saying, “we’ll make up for lost time on the drive” so the mini van (not mine – hers) is decked out with five point harnesses, twin turbos, dyno flow kit, N20 and an exhaust that looks like she ran over a trash can and it is stuck under the rear bumper… she skipped out on the fiberglass skirts and the large japanese decals so it looks like a true sleeper, but a ten second quarter mile, five star crash rated, grocery getter sits in our garage. (she breached the no mini van clause in our prenupt - so i voided the power train warranty).  basically, i’ve been getting bumped from all sides on this one (maybe it was good that i stayed in front of all that ‘traffic' – the high road if you will) 

i thought we left it all out of the track. but several moty brothers have asked no told me that we need to do this one again – this year!! originally, i thought it was for the adrenaline rush.  maybe we should make it for pink slips. the rpms are reved up! i think i hear survivor in the background!! i knew you had it in you!!!

visors down switches up

results of the feburary event are as follows:

s.m   1st  5 pts
j.b.   2nd  4 pts
d.f.   3rd  3 pts
j.d.   4th  1 pt
r.b   5th  2 pts (discretionary rookie point)
j.s.   6th  2 pts (discretionary point for best use of an iphone app)
m.b. 7th  2 pts (discretionary rookie point)
f.g.   8th  1 pt

thumbs up r.b.

stay tuned for the standings and march event details

respond if you please

i've been talking to a buddy about the crazy things ours kids are learning, and it got me thinking about some of the truths i held self-evident when i was young-er. now, as a parent, i have to carefully consider whether or not to pass along any of this mis/info to my kids.

• you can't go in the water until 20 mins after you eat. (youngish to oldlish translation – i need a chance to rest {possibly revise to one hour})
• jumping off a bridge, just because your friends are doing it, is not a good idea (there will be no reference to any n.zed midnight bungies)
• don’t swallow your gum because it won’t ever digest.
• if you say bloody mary ten times in a dark bathroom and when turn on the lights you will see a scary woman in the mirror. (light as a feather, stiff as a board works too as long a you keep your eyes closed)
• treat others as you would like to be treated (no reference to any high school girlfriend)
•do unto others as you would like them to do unto you (catholic guilt – again no reference to any high school girl friend)
• just because it is in a book doesn’t make it true (revised for the internet)
• cautiously pop any pimple close to your forehead. (something to do with not getting all of the puss out and poison to your brain)
• you can’t pray to god for material things, because it doesn’t work that way (i won’t share the part about stealing, because you can ask him for forgiveness)
• there are only 106 na’s in ‘hey jude’ (two are nananana’s so they don’t count) {but if they ask… there are seventy seven la’s in the “don’t you”, breakfast club sound track version})
• he hits you because he likes you (nothing about any donkeys)
• you need to get good grades in order to get a good job
• marking your parent’s bottles with pencil lines before you have your friends over to raid their liquor cabinet. then refilling the bottles with water does work. (but when the time comes - i will be counting the beers in the garage refrigerator)

so now i am going to ask you for something (you have a few options):
a) post one to add to the list. b) reply to the february go kart event. c) both a and b. d) sorry there is no none of the above.

that was very 'save the peak'

where were you this morning at 12:15am? i was out partying with the boys at earshot media watching sherwood at the roxy. earlier in the evening we witnessed a paparazzi swarm outside of dan tana’s, when someone randomly pointed and yelled, “hey there’s paris hilton.” only to later find out they were in fact waiting for paris hilton to arrive (lucky guess m.c. or… are you really in the know?)

sherwood is poppy rock band from slo town. supposedly influenced by the beach boys with a melodic edge. there was one shoegazer tune that nearly put me to sleep, but other than that they were really good. the lead singer looked like kevin james of king of queens, drumer -looked like seth rogen, guitarist – nick jonas, and keyboardist – andy dick. not kidding check out this video and tell me what you think. towards the end they did a miley cyrus cover which had the chick from nickelodeon at stage front throwing the horns {is that a snowboarding trick}. it was a star studded/impersonated performance. always more entertaining, were the people i was fortunate enough to yell ear to ear conversations back and forth with as the band played in the foreground. one dude was an employee of the recently defunct myspace records. i shamelessly asked, if there is a facebook records. unable to make out his splattering response, the light bulb over his head that lit up the dark venue said it all.

i'll sleep like a rock star tonight

snowboarding is like sex

as i drove passed the new trader joe's yesterday i realized i miss tia juana's restaurant on olympic and stoner. i recalled having lunch with t.h. years ago. he was rattling off so many of these i nearly pee'd my pants (on olympic blvd/the olympics... following the opening ceremony/stoner... just some insight as to my thought process)

so, as the twenty ten winter olympics begin, i thought i'd share some new moves with you:

• the superman nose slide
• the 720 spiderman
• the stalefish swedish rodeo
• the casper mctwist
• the backside abraham lincoln
• an ambush paddington tail block
• the method stranger
• a cheekster ollie
• the hand shandy tweak
• an indy donkey punch
• a 50/50 snowmobile grind
• the dirty sanchez air to fakey

as to figuring out the mechanics of the aforementioned, you are on your own {urbandictionary.com}.  do a little research before valentines day and enjoy. there were some that were too sick for me to post (anything with steamer in it- i couldn't touch), but if i left one out you'd like to share feel free. if you offend easily, please just act like an elitist skier and move on.

author's note: my intension is humor, albeit potty, but i could very well have crossed a line. your silence means nothing, so if you disapprove speak up.

go usa!

fun run

elvis is always out there. as well as a bunch of guys wearing dolphin shorts and afros. there are more super bowl team jerseys than you can count. i even think i saw sasquatch once. and now michael jackson has infiltrated.  should have seen that coming.

fun ride - is baja even safe these days?

oh damn

it’s arse crack early, and the sky is pretty effen clear. there is no good excuse to blow this one off. it started kinda early yesterday. the art fair stands, clipper game and four –o par –t (only after we unplugged the chop saw {and returned the safety guard to it’s proper working condition}). my only real plans today will require doing much of the same. the rb10k and the super bowl (no power tools required). so let’s just start now. who’s man enough? late registration – no worries. i got an extra t-shirt to commemorate your accomplishment. see you in the beer garden.

gentlemen start your engines

we have a green flag. here's how it'll go down. there will two groups each running two heats. first heat, each group one will run a 14 lap qualifier for your start position. second heat, same groups will run a 16-lap position start race based on their qualifying times. there will be a 1st, 2nd and 3rd place winner from each group. k1 will keep all stats which will determine top three overall based on times. or, for an additional cost, we have the option to run a third race which will allow the final three from each group to leave it all on the track to claim a checkered flag first, second and third place finisher. the cost for the mini grand prix, two race, is $45.00 each.  the package includes metals and podium ceremonies for each group at the end. there was no option for pit girls and magnums of champagne (if you're going to byob {that last 'b' would be for bubbly} bring a mop because i'm not cleaning up).

link

rsvp asap

also, if anyone is interested in purchasing some slightly used darts let me know.

road warriors

i wouldn’t consider myself a gear head. i can't tell the difference between a 1930s ford tudor or chevy master deluxe. although, i do know the difference between street and rat rods.  i’d also know a 50s merc (even if it’s all jacked up with 60 inch tires, dressed it up like a dog, crushing cars at monster jam). on the other hand, am no foodie either. good food – oh yeaah! all through college, i slung dish at several zagat approved restaurants. i even did a little stint in culinary school, then was lucky enough to to try out my skills as a line chief at a popular cafe in malibu (more than once, but never got paid). so maybe i’m a little more internal combustion and duel fuel convection than most. which could explain my fascination with the road stove. based on what ive seen, i’m not the only one into the roach coach revival. everything i read says it is “fun!”?. i’ll give it that, but if i had to put my finger on it, i’d say its more due to the hunt (select your prey {on-line}, track it down {gps} and pounce{hold the msg}). with trucks like dogtown dawgs, the grill cheese truck and have you seen the grill-em all rig, if a jacket is required, it’s weather not dress code related. yes it’s a little whiskey tango, but hey i’ve eaten off worse and enjoyed it. it’s not convenient, you got to search them out, go out of your way, park then walk a bit and eat standing up. there is some camaraderie amongst the patrons. which, i’d assume, is because you are sharing a seat on the curb.

bottom line - i’m trying to establish an interest in both cars and food (in 200 words or less) and set the official date for february’s event go-kart racing now on saturday 27th. and then maybe wind up getting some food/drink back in town. we’re gonna need a head count.

le camion déjeuner

a ceremonious oversized check

i’m sure you’ve see the ipad. is big the new small? can’t wait to see the belt clip for this one…. (don’t mean to offend.. m.s.)

the next moty event go-kart racing at k1 is tentatively slated for saturday, february 20th. mark your calendars, clear your schedules, check with your wives (but, make sure to take care of a few of those honey do items first).

that went well

there were no fights, no cheating and no one was impaled, so i’d say it was a success. good job to all competitors and a big congrats to john d for taking home the first victory – good form! (i mean that in a colloquial sense. the two handed toss was weird, but who am i to talk, you schooled us all {i thought darts is all in the wrist, who’d-a-thunk it is actually in the other hand})

so here are the standings of the inaugural MOTY dart tournament:

1st place: john d  6 pts (discretionary point for unique throwing technique)
2nd place: alan l  4 pts
3rd place: shawn m  3 pts
4th place: tim d  2 pts (discretionary point for “staying out the latest” – corroborated by taco bell receipt)
               david f  2 pts (discretionary point for introducing the word ‘mangina’ –see definition below)
5th place: jeff b  1 pts
                randy b  1 pts
                mike c  1 pts
                frank g  1 pts
                jon p  1 pts
                jeff s  1 pts
                martin s  1 pts
                neil g  1 pts (show)
                pella n  1 pts (show) {n & p the just show strategy is paying off now, but can it continue?}
6th place: chris k  0 pts (no show)
                bou m  0 pts (no show)

round two

back of head and blurred

indistinct and out of focus (oops sorry mike)

mangina (man* ji’ na) n.  male organ that slowly forms after marriage or serious relationship. closely resembles the male genitalia, but lacks the necessary testosterone to make or implement crucial decisions. sentence: due to a magina flair up kris missed the tournament.  also see whipped.
  *david authorized use of the term with his name (not his likeness) prior to publishing this post

february event go-karts at k1 details coming soon...

someone brought up a valid point about the ‘little help here’ post. the v-day competition is a great idea (thanks), but anonymity is all too important. i never realized some of you may have not shared your best work with your wives yet. so for that i apologize. i suspect that is why the ideas are not pouring in. i understand that trust is earned not granted. so until such time you are comfortable with my discretion, please post anonymously. or you may leave your entries under my door map addressed to moty (you can cut out the letters from magazines, type it on an old emerson or commodore 64) either way, i will make sure it is shared with the group. we will figure out a way to aware the prize later

little help here

i’m sure we’d all agree, asking for directions sucks. to delve deeper, i’d say it has less to do with the action itself. maybe it is the slowing down or pulling over. it could actually be the relative height as we ask, "hey bro, do you know how to get to..." have you even realized we are actually being looked down on as we take directions from a stranger, all the while trying to gather our bearings... north... veer left... you'll see the burning bush bouta mile up the...come on! maybe it is the walk of shame, parked all cockeyed, letting some gas station attendant know we don’t know where the hell we are or how to get where we’re going. all tells to our passengers revealing we’re lost.   now you're asking where is he going here? (im even asking myself that right now too). in an attempt to elaborate on a pervious comment and a few of those alcohol infused, it sounded good at the time conversations, i’m going to ask that question so you won’t look ‘lost’. (you can all thank me later)

what are you gonna do this valentines day for your lady to ensure you get some?

i know you got some game (you've some kids right?). so bring it!
is it dinner and a room at shutters. maybe a couples massages or a gift basket with toys and movies you can't bring home to the kids. how about ordering some room service and skip the restaurant. or skip the hotel all together and go straight for the loo (some intrigue and easier on the wallet). the fitting room has its appeal and a bit of kink too (chick-a-dow-now). way more spacious than the mile high lav. i’m not saying there is anything wrong with flowers, candy, and jewerly, but how about sprinkling those petals, melting that chocolate and a pearl…hey whoa now. there is more than one way to skin a cat {there is the brazilian euphemism somewhere here}. listen, i just tossed out at least ten ideas (it kinda feels like im doing all the talking haha). so be creative and be anonymous if you like, or be bold but share. when was the last time you helped a buddy get laid (mex blanket, bu lagoon need i say more). a bottle of patron for the best, or most, or final outcome, applause-o-meter - we'll figure it out.  let’s face it, if this works we all win

let the games begin

supposedly it began in medieval england*. a bunch of bored soldiers got drunk and challenged each other by throwing spears at the bottom of a wine barrel. the only way to improve upon those warriors time-honored tradition would be to watch a high definition signal of live sporting events broadcasted on large liquid crystal display screens - and maybe chill the beer.

2 o’clock, January 23rd at the underground (pka besties). bring’em if you got’em {darts not spears}.

good luck!

* bullshipedia

there can only be one

thanks for the overwhelming response. after careful review and deliberation, we have a winner! so here it is…

congrats mike – nice work!!

now get out there and spread some 'cheer'!!!

and check back soon for the schedule of the first event. i’m working on it.

here it is

the long awaited, much anticipated, over hyped, first annual, 2010 south bay man of the year competition is here. it’s time to step up. or you can start a book club... set up a blog, bug me to follow it and come up with a schedule (if it involves drinking with the boys and not reading a book on oprah’s list – sign me up next year). right now man up!

schedule:
month - event - place - coinsides with
jan - darts - besties - world dart federation blue bonnet tourney
feb - go kart racing -  k-1 speed  - daytona 500
mar - free throw contest and ncaa bracket - stick n stein - march madness
apr - batting cages - total baseball - spring training
may - best band presentation - tbd - coachella music festival
jun - foosball - besties - fifa world cup
jul - hot dog eating - tbd or dodger stadium - nathans contest
aug - full round, driving range, or miniatue golf - the lakes or mulligans - pga chamionship
sep - pub crawl and iq test - bars tbd - a good time to walk around
oct - pumpkin carving - tbd - halloween
nov - shooting range - redondo gun and rod - open season for bison hunting
dec - chili cook off - tbd - good winter food

scoring:
5 points for 1st place
4 points for 2nd place
3 points for 3rd place
1 point for showing up
the event host will also have 3 discretionary points which can be used any way he wishes.

the man with the most points at the end of the year wins.

there is a $25 entry fee which will go into a pot. the winnings will be spilt between the top three finishers. first 70%, second 20% and third place finisher will get 10%. contestants will be asked to assist with the planning by hosting an event. it is first come first serve, so if there is one you like - stake your claim. the events are not set in stone until someone commits to hosting it. if there is another event you’d rather do or host and it is not on the list; by all means toss it out there. your participation is truly appreciated. (don’t everyone jump in at once).

rules:
some are obvious. others can be made up as we go. come when you can, be cool, play fair and have fun.

good luck and may the best man win!

case in point

it’s officially that time   the folks on acacia are starting to set up their displays. the big guy’s sleigh schedule is out. the boat parade and firework festivities are planned, decorations are up everywhere and tree lightings are happening all over the beach cities. the entire southbay’s getting its commercialized “christ-on” (i can almost hear sister rosemary clinching her ruler behind me for that one).

hell, i’ve got the christmas music playing. our home is making another transformation. it seemed easy from halloween to thanksgivng. come to think of it, it happened so fast, i'm not sure i did anything. well that was then... right now i’m putting up our lights* (actually right now i'm procrastinating - doing this blog and trying out the 'links' feature). but it is next on my list because i’m totally filled with holiday cheer! and some of the other items will require a trip to the poe. time to start spiking the egg nog! (if that’s not a euphemism for something... it should be).

with that said, i hope you had the good fortune of getting booZed for halloween

or basted er ah wasted for thanksgiving.

how’s about a little pre moty competition contest? (yep im procrastinating here too - list of events, schedule, scoring i know). so get your thinking caps on, design the next boo’d for christmas, chanuka or kwanzaa. the winner will get a bottle of jett {must be twenty one or older to play, odds of winning are yada yahdah yaahdaahh}. all entries must be submitted by post or emailed to me by friday dec 11. concept must include artwork and tag line. so let’s keep the prosperity going and keep the alcohol flowing. there is no reason the kids should have all the fun. i'm just makin this up as i go... are you with me boys?!. (there really should be an emocon for the sound of crickets).

good luck

*i wont officially turn on the christmas lights until december first

t minus 6 and counting

many of you may know i set out to exercise regularly again. i made a plan and stuck with it. i realize that it has only been since the first of november, but i’m still impressed by my effort.  there were some ups and downs over the past three weeks here’s the run down:



i’m feeling fantastic!

• glad to be back running again
• watching the sun rise over grand
• the water at the plunge has warmed up (maybe water polo season is over)
• had some great conversations about the kids, family, how not to pack for a trip and  knowing when to say when
• fixed the sprinkler heads that were only watering my neighbor’s lawn (sorry joe)
• spent a lot of time in the jacuzzi
• even worked in quite a bit more 'other' vigorous activities
• been sleeping like a log (there is a correlation in those last three)
• my blood pressure is exellent and i have a resting heart rate of 48 (keep reading)

i’m friggin exhausted!

• either early morning or late evening - i mostly work out in the dark
• often smell like ben gay
• all the kids good halloween candy is gone (i get the cliche, "stealing candy from a child" and no i'm not proud it)
• stepped on a stingray (i know you only pee on a jellyfish sting...)
• lost two pairs of goggles (that's one pair a week if you're counting)
• had some serious chest pains
• add sharp left arm pain (hindsight i fell asleep on it). coupled with enough anxiety to cause shortness of breath earned me a trip to the emergency room at three am.  i whispered my concerns to lisa - her groggy response was, "then go to urgent care" as she rolled over and went right back to sleep.  after getting hooked up to an ekg machine, some oxygen, blood work and a thorough evaluation- final prognosis: i’m in perfect health (ergo explaining my earlier bp and hr comment {who says ergo}). other than a sore pectoral muscle from swimming three thousand yards, eating a burrito from the roach coach and thai food for dinner i'm fine. prescription: stretch, take some tums and relax.  uh, "thanks dr cant-stop-yawning."

looking forward to picking it up again after the holiday week. the offer still stands.


have a great t-day if i don’t see you tomorrow

free food and two fer drinks

did that get your attention?  a friend (but more importantly a follower - of the blog) has extended his good fortune!  apparently, he put his business card into a bucket and wah lah – insta low budg night out!  it is this friday night, nov 20th at sharkeez in hermosa from 5 to 8pm.  they do need a headcount to cover the pub grub, so i'm sending this out early trying to give you/him/them as much advance notice as possible.  so let me know by using the rsvp.

side note: rumor has it, or should i say that experience has shown, someone for the party usually wins a party in the near future.  if you come please bring a stack of business cards.  lets see if we can tip the odds.

so this thing might be working!  it works if you work it - oops wrong crowd

last night

with the emails going around last night i threw in the show at the mint instead of posting it here.  last minute and tuesday night, i know. so i'll fill you in on what you missed.

my original expectation held true. the bright, other than a slamming version of led zep's cashmere and a risque flapper dress was mediocre. the next band, the make peace brothers were fantastic! well you’d have to like jack johnson and paul simon, with a bit of blue grass, reggae and folk. not normally my genre but it works. as they set up, the horn cases, mandolin, ukuleles (my favorite), acoustical guitar and bongos made their way to stage. i was hooked. we were staying. did i mention the box? one of the guys (we assume brothers because they looked alike) was sitting on this box and as they began he was patting it like a drum. the crowd had really filled in. grovin through the first few songs, the two stood up and the guy picked up the box and put the strap over his head and was really playing it now –wft. we laughed out loud as the crowd (think tues night size) cheered. i still don’t know what it is, but i want to go check them out online. i decided to write this before googling them as i didn’t want to taint the post by actually reading about the band. support live music

first picture post maybe this will work

still having trouble with the counter

i hesitate to call it a mission statement

Inception
I read that "if you plan it they will come" (it sounded promising). It went on to say an event planner must be: creative -check, communicative -ok, enthusiastic –YES!, honest -i am...i swear, organized -you should see my office, decisive –maybe... So that's the kink in my armor. A friend suggested i start a blog. I quickly decided to 'just do it' (yet i still don't feel any more decisive). Some might call this a kitchen pass, a reason to get out of the house, hook up with the boys for a little male bonding. yes yes and yes. Hence the name the eject button, it’ll get you up and out quickly.

Purpose
This blog is set up primarily to promote and document the first annual Southbay Man of the Year Competition to begin in 2010. I will post the schedule of events, set up the rules, coordinate the organization of each event, send out reminders, publish the scores/standings and hopefully include only non-incriminating pictures along the way. At this point it is an invitational event, only because i don’t know any better (but if you know how to plan something like this – you’re totally invited). With that said, I would like to get an idea as to who is in, and further i will need a few good men to help with the coordination. I intend on asking participants to host at least one event. Beyond that i’d also like to offer this site to all of you, the men of the Gundo, as a place to post your happy hour hang outs, impromptu mudbowl or volleyball pickup games, carpool road trips to san ono, a heads up that a cool band is playing out, or if you have to dump those laker floor seats in a pinch (and i absolutely can’t go – then post it here). And finally this isn't y chroms only. if you're taking the family to the beach or you got the kids while your wife is doing her girls night out - share it here. Maybe you can get a group to 'man up'.

Summation
I’m devoted to my family. It will always be my wife and kids first. me-time is second. This rule will trump all others. But there is no rule stopping anyone from bagging on you for it. If you can’t laugh at yourself then laugh at me. {note to wives if you come across, “ball and chain” or any other malphemism on this site. it was meant with love and sincerity}. i am a general contractor by trade. rarely the first one to the party so to speak. Architects and engineers typically come before me. I can read the plans. handle mathatical calucations. I'll even follow most uniform building codes (to an extent), but this is uncharted territory. I can coordinate a fairly large group of men to build huge structures form the ground up, down to some very discerning details - so this should be easy right? You are more than welcome to just watch me try or you can help me out.